Latvia day 1 - Orphanage Visit

We made it to Latvia with no major hassles, except a 14-hour layover in Amsterdam, but whatever... it wasn't too bad, but I never want to do it again!

We were picked up at the Riga airport and brought to our apartment in the center of old town Riga.  It is a 4-story building and our apartment is the 2nd floor.  There is one apartment below us and 2 above us.  It is a pretty large living space with 2 bedrooms, a kitchen, living room, dining room, kitchen, 1 full bath and a 1/2 bath.  There is also a dishwasher and washing machine!  BONUS!!!!!  We got to bed somewhere between 1 and 1:30 am and had to be up to meet our driver at 11:30 am.  I fell asleep as soon as I hit the bed and slept till morning (we had an alarm set for 9 am, but I was awake off and on for about an hour before the alarm). 

We met the driver down the street from our apartment this morning (our street is pretty much just pedestrian traffic) and he took us to the orphanage where the girls have been living.  We were to meet our lawyer there for a meeting with the social worker who looks after our girls. This was a meeting to hear about their background, medical history, and schedules.  We didn't really hear anything new that we hadn't already heard. 

Anyway, as Jon and I were first walking up to the orphanage there was a group of kids just on their way inside.  There was a little girl standing there looking at us.  We were pretty far away still and Jon said, "I think that's Mila."  I said, "I don't know..."  As we got closer and noticed it was her, my heart started racing.  I don't think I knew how nervous I was about seeing them again until that moment.  How would they feel about seeing us again?  I said her name and knelt down, she got a HUGE smile on her face, walked quickly toward me and threw her arms around my neck.  It was the hardest hug and she didn't seem to want to let go.  I of course, just started bawling.  After what seemed like forever she let go and did the same thing to Jon.  If I had to describe what I was feeling when she hugged me, I would say it felt like my heart was instantly tied to her; this is my daughter, and I am so thankful that God chose us to be her parents. 

She then led Jon and I inside while calling Viktorija downstairs.  One of the other children had already run up and told Vika that we were here.  She came running down the stairs calling, "Mama," and practically jumped off the last step into my arms.  Again, big hugs.  She hugged Jon as well, and was telling all the other kids, "This is my Mama and Papa" (In Latvian of course).  They took us upstairs and we briefly caught a glimpse of where they live.  There was a foyer with locker-type cubbies where they take shoes and jackets off, a living room area and what looked like an eat-in kitchen... it looked like there were bedrooms off to the side.

We had to leave the girls there and go back downstairs for our meeting.  Like I said, we didn't really learn anything new.  The social worker did tell us again how much the girls had changed after their month with us last winter.  They were much happier when they came back.  The social worker also mentioned that the girls might have food allergies to citrus and strawberries.  Hmmm... I fed them tangerines and they loved strawberry yogurt.  After the meeting the girls were brought back to us and we were told we could spend about 20 minutes with them.  We took them outside to the yard and played on the different play things.  Milana stayed pretty close to us the whole time and Viktorija would run away and want us to follow her.  We are really going to need to hold her hand and keep her with us here in Riga. 

When our lawyer came out to find us, she told the girls that we would be back tomorrow to pick them up.  I know she said something about America and Vika didn't look too excited.  I am sure it is a scary thought to be told that you are moving somewhere forever.  We walked the girls back up to their living space and said goodbye.  Again, more hugs and kisses.

There is another family from the States here adopting as well.  So, we spent some time with them this afternoon while our lawyer showed us around the city.  It is pretty easy just to walk wherever you want to go.  We also ran into the other family again as we went grocery shopping and I mentioned the citrus and strawberry allergy, and that the girls had been eating that stuff at our house. The other family's mother told me that they were told the same thing!  Funny...

All in all, it was a good day.  We have orphan court first thing in the morning and then we will go back to the orphanage to pick up the girls!  I hope to blog every day, not just so you can all read about it, but so I can remember little details that I know will be forgotten in the future.  Part of me can't believe we are here doing this - it is something we have prayed about for so long and done so much work to get to this point.  God is so good, and there was such peace in today that I know He is here with us as well.  Please pray that transition for all of us goes smoothly over the next few weeks!

 

Here is the play yard of the orphanage.

Less of me and my junk...

quote from John Eldredge from “Waking the Dead.”

 "If you are not pursuing a dangerous quest with your life, well, then, you don't need a Guide.  If you haven't found yourself in the midst of a ferocious war, then you won't need a seasoned Captain.  If you've settled in your mind to live as though this is a fairly neutral world and you are simply trying to live your life as best you can, then you can probably get by with the Christianity of tips and techniques.  Maybe.  I'll give you a 50-50 chance.  But if you intend to live in the Story that God is telling, and if you want the life He offers, then you are going to need more than a handful of principles, however noble they may be.  There are too many twists and turns in the road ahead, too many ambushes waiting only God knows where, too much at stake.  You cannot possibly prepare yourself for every situation.  Narrow is the way said Jesus.  How shall we be sure to find it?  WE NEED GOD INTIMATELY AND WE NEED HIM DESPERATELY"

Another friend posted the above quote from a book.  I think I might have to add this to my must read list.

I am fully aware that I would not be able to do half of what I do without knowing who's power it is that I am drawing from.  Sad thing is, I still don't even realize how much fuller and richer my life would be if I was willing to give up more, bow lower, have less...

There are so many books I have read lately that have shaken me to the core.  Made me look at my life, my family and how we live.  What we spend our money on, what we put into our heads and the way we treat people.  Things that I need to be willing to hold onto with open hands.  I highly recommend the book "7" by Jen Hatmaker.  "7" is one of those books that cracks you up and then smacks you in the face.  Completely life changing.  Also, "Crazy Love"  by Francis Chan, and "Interrupted" also by Jen Hatmaker. 

Here are a few other Jen Hatmaker quotes that have shaped my life lately: (all from "7")

"In order for Jesus' kingdom to come, my kingdom will have to go, and for the first time I think I am okay with that."

"Obedience isn't a lack of fear.  It's just doing it scared."

"Teaching by example, radical obedience, justice, mercy, activism, and sacrifice wholly inspires me.  I'm at that place where "well done" trumps "well said".  When I see kingdom work in the middle of brokenness, when mission transitions from the academic soil of the mid into the sacrificial work of someone's hands, I am utterly affected.  Obedience inspires me.  Servant leaders inspire me.  Humility inspires me.  Talking heads dissecting apologetics stopped inspiring me a few years ago."

"What better way to say "Jesus reigns" than dressing my preschooler in a $45 dress to show her off in the church lobby? (You're welcome, Jesus. Be blessed)"

Okay, that last one mainly just cracked me up...

 I know I have posted this song before.  I just heard it again tonight and realized again that I think it was written just for me.  It might speak to you as well... but it was written for me. So there.  This has been my life's theme song since the day we drove out of California.  God has never let us down, and we try not to live our life looking back, only what is coming up next. 

"Jesus, may there be less of me and my junk and more of You and Your kingdom."  Here we go...
(Jen Hatmaker again... you should friend her on facebook...)

Wheels Within Wheels

So, I decided to sit down to do an adoption update tonight.  I have been pretty quiet about it on Facebook this week... partially because I was waiting for an official update, and partially because I am sure people are sick of me talking about it.  But for those of you who want an update, I am doing it this way! I know a lot of you are praying for these girls to come home to us soon and we thank you from the bottom of our hearts for those prayers!

Today we did get some news.  Good news?  Kinda, but some not so great news as well.  Basically it is just going to take a little bit longer to travel to Latvia than we were expecting.  We were hoping to already be there and back by now!

On June 19th the orphan court in Latvia was reviewing our case.  The Ministry (which is a branch of government) has our official referral and is ready to get us there, but something happened in court that brought to light that the girls have a half-sister who lives with their mother.  Yes, another sister... she isn't up for adoption.  But, the law there says that they need to sever all sibling relationships before a child can be adopted (this includes half-siblings).  This should be a fairly easy thing to do... the problem is the mother and half-sister live in a different region from where our girls are, so the orphan court in that region will have to do that.  As soon as that is done the Ministry is ready to send us our official referral and travel dates.  But we are now being told not to expect to travel until closer to the end of July.  THE END OF JULY?!?!?!?!?!  I think my God is bigger than this problem and that paperwork will pass through much quicker than they are saying. 

One of my biggest concerns is that these two precious girls now know we are adopting them.  They have known for at least 2 weeks (that we know of).  They ask every day when Mom and Dad are coming to get them! Just go ahead and stab my heart right now!  I am so glad they are excited, but can't stand that they have to wait so long! Please pray protection over their hearts. 

I know... God's timing is perfect.  But, I thought we had a really good timeline worked out! :)  Now we are going to compete with school starting in August for the boys.  Coincidentally, school is starting one week later than normal this year... maybe God already knew His plans for this... hmmm....

We are ready... we would leave tomorrow if it would help move things along.  But, instead we are sitting and waiting on God's perfect timing.  Not fun or easy at times! Thanks for hanging in their with us and for praying!

Here is a song that I have been singing nonstop today... hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Perfect Peace

A better question becomes "Why does it matter"  It is not your responsibility to explain what God is doing with your life.  He has not provided enough information to figure it out.  Instead, you are asked to turn loose and let God be God.  Therein lies the secret to the "peace that transcends understanding."

-Doctor James Dobson from the book Life on the Edge

Twist and Turns

Because once again my husband has written exactly what we are feeling and I haven't been able to fully write about this new turn in our adoption journey I am sending you to his blog to read about our newest update.   http://jonsimpson.blogspot.com/2012/05/and-then-there-were-two.html

My God is...

Wow... I know it has been awhile since I have posted here.  Not because I haven't wanted to, just have so much going on in my head, things God is showing me about Himself, about myself, about what my family can do... that I really haven't been able to put it into words.  But I decided I am just going to sit down and start writing, just to see what comes out, then I will decide if I will actually post it or not!

We started our adoption process in September of 2010.  We knew we wanted to adopt one little girl.  We basically told God we were willing to adopt one girl,  between the age of 0 and 3, and relatively healthy.  We stepped out in faith to do that.  As most of you now know, God had other plans for our family.  God took our little step of faith and turned it into something much bigger than we could even imagine.  It looks like our adoption journey will start wrapping up next month! Jon and I will travel to Latvia and bring 3 little girls home. Two 5 year olds and a 2 year old.  Sisters who get to stay together.  One with a medical condition.  So far out of the box from what we told God we would do.  But God knows what is best... I am fully trusting that.

So, I decided I will try to answer some of the most asked questions we get...

1)
Q:  You are missionaries, how can you afford an expensive international adoption?  
 A:  We can't.  There is no way on what we make a month to pay for this adoption.  And yet, we still stepped out knowing it was what God wanted of us.  Let me tell you... money is not an issue God deals with.  In the past week all of our adoption costs are paid for or promised.  One of those was a grant, and the rest was done anonymously.  My God is big.

2)
Q:  How will you afford 3 more kids?
A:  See above answer... God has always provided for us.  Since we moved to Georgia we have lived debt free, and don't plan on changing that.  I read a quote not too long ago that said "Children are not expensive, lifestyles are."  We have cut down some things in preparation for being a family of 7.  We disconnected our home phone and got magic jack, we found a cheaper internet provider and we only pay for basic cable (which we are willing to get rid of if need be).  With couponing, I have cut my grocery bill down to about $300 a month.  I rarely shop for new clothes for the kids, you can find great things second hand! We probably still eat out more than we should, but that can change as well.   My God is a provider.

3)
Q:  How will you be able to afford quality health care for M?
A:  This one is the hardest for me.  Again, we have to trust God.  I can't really call up my insurance company to ask what it will do to my insurance if we adopt an HIV + child.  Once she is here, they have no option but adding her to our insurance, but I don't really want to give them a heads up!  I am on a newsgroup for HIV adoptions and have learned a ton!  Her medication should just be our co pay for medication.  There are also programs that are willing to help out.  Between you and me though, we are praying for complete healing.  This is not her burden to bear.  To go along with this, people want to know if we will disclose her status to everyone.  Well, I have already done that here and on facebook.  There is no shame in her disease, and it isn't her fault.  We will take it one step at a time...   My God is a healer.

4)
Q:  Are you ready to mother 5 children?
A:  I tell my boys that saying "I can't" is not allowed.  I can do all things with Christ who gives me strength.  I have to take my own advice.  Of course I am not ready... but I am willing.  I am excited, and panicked all at the same time.  I am sure it will be overwhelming, scary, fun, crazy... just about every word you can think of!  But, it is life.  I am excited to pour God into more little lives.  I am excited that my boys are wanting sisters!  I just see God all over this!  My God is my strength!

I fully believe that God has called Jon and I to live out our faith one step at a time. I don't know that He calls everyone to live like that, but He has for us.  We never see where we are going, but we know it is God we are following.  The verse Proverbs 3:5-6 has really come alive to me this week.  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."  That has always been a favorite of mine, but it hit me this week how true it is... imagine that! Truth in the Bible! :)  I wish I could convey to everyone how much easier life is if you just TRUST!!!!! Really, He is so much bigger than whatever it is you are going through!  Is there a dream that God has given you that you are afraid to step out with?  Is there a passion that God has put inside of you that you don't know how to use for Him?  I urge you to pray, pray, pray! Find others who are doing it and be inspired!  I want to inspire people... I want people to see how FAITHFUL my God is!  If my little family can do big things for the Kingdom ANYONE can!

I can't imagine what God has for our family after we finish this journey... and I don't want to!  What ever God has planned is so much bigger than what I can imagine anyway! Bring it on! :)

Happy Birthday

Today our twin girls turn 5!  My thoughts are so with them.  I wonder if they even know it is their birthday, or if anything has been done to celebrate it.  I started thinking about how I will never have a baby picture of them, and how much I have missed out on in their first 5 years... but then God turned my thoughts to their birth parents...

They will miss out on so much more... many birthdays and milestones.  I don't have any bad feelings toward them, I don't even know them, but I have learned a little bit about them.  Enough to know they have made some bad choices and are now paying consequences for those choices.  Consequences which left their 3 little girls orphaned.  My heart breaks for them, and I hope and pray that they will know the love of God at some point before they leave this world.  I hope and pray that they will know that their precious little girls will be cared for and loved, and that hopefully one day they will be reunited in Heaven.  That is my prayer...

Happy Birthday V and M... we love you so much and can't wait to see you again! You are cherished and are being celebrated here today.

A God Moment

Last Thursday God spoke to Jon and I about the same thing.  The cool thing is that Jon was away on a leadership retreat and I was at home... and yet, God gave us each the same word.  We didn't realize it until later in the day when we were talking on the phone.  Jon wrote a really beautiful blog post about it... so instead of you getting to read my words about it, click here to read his!

Our Crazy Good Month!

I know there are many people who have been waiting for me to blog about our month with the girls.
Going into it I thought I would post regular blogs during the month, but then in the midst of it I couldn't do it.  It seemed too personal, I wanted to just protect it and enjoy it.  But now I think I am ready to share some of it.

The day we picked up the girls from the airport, I was shaking like a leaf! I couldn't believe how nervous I was! How in the world could two 4-year old girls scare me so much! Okay, so there was the language barrier, the unknown of what these girls were like, and so so much more... so, I guess I had a bit of a reason to be nervous!  ha!   We waited at the airport for hours with lots of other families.  The anticipation right at the end was amazing... lots of tears and nervous energy!

The girls came out and we met them. I could tell they were sooo tired!  We had to wait awhile until we could talk with one of the chaperones about medicine one of the girls is on.  This took longer then I had hoped and the girls started to lose it.  Fear had totally taken over them.  We ended up carrying these two girls kicking and screaming out of the airport.  I couldn't imagine what they were feeling.  I couldn't imagine what my own boys would have done at that age to fly around the world and then have to leave with a family they had never met.

We got the girls home and in bed around midnight.  Then Jon and I went to bed, we laid there, looked at each other and wondered what we had just gotten ourselves into! This was going to be a long month!

The next few days we dealt with jet lag, the girls were getting up super early (like 3 am!)... but thankfully that didn't last long.  We were quickly getting to know them, and they were getting to know us!  We realized right away how much they like music. One is always singing and one is always dancing!  They were stubborn and independent.  I think because they needed to be.  I really felt like God was telling me to break some of that independence in them.  So, we tried really hard to help them with everything.  To let them know it was okay to let someone parent them, and love them!  We did see a huge change in this area by the time they went back to Latvia.  They were also super guarded when they first came to us, they would let us hug them, but didn't return any affection.  But again, by the end of the trip they were all over us! Lots of hugs and kisses for the whole family.  English was picked up very quickly by one of them and she would talk for her sister a lot as well.  She also would try to teach us Latvian and Russian! Smart girl!

I am leaving so much out... but some of it I just can't put into words.  But I will brag on my boys for a minute!  They were just as excited as Jon and I to have these girls come live with us.  And I wasn't sure if that excitement would end once they got here... I wasn't sure if they would fully engage with the girls or go hide out most of the time.  Well, there was some hiding out at times, but they also took the opportunity to really spend time with the girls.  There was lots of playing going on in our house!  Lots of laughing and snuggling and princess movies! The boys enjoyed it all... there were times I would just be watching them and feeling like I could see Jesus.  So many times I dwell on what I do wrong as a parent, I get mad too quickly or yell at them, or criticize... it was so nice to see something we have done right.  We have taught these boys to love others and I am so stinking proud of them!

Taking the girls back to the airport was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had a friend traveling back with them and I told her that I just had thoughts of picking up the girls and running! She assured me she has been there and it would be okay.  It did help to know she would be traveling with them.  She is in Latvia now interviewing kids for the summer hosting program.

She had a chance to go to the orphanage our girls are in.  She said it is a clean nice place and how wonderful the directors are.  She said she was told that the girls came back much happier and ask about us everyday, when they can see us again.  Soon, little ones... soon!  I know it won't be easy when they come back... I am sure we will have to reclaim ground with them again, but it will be so worth it! She also told us something else...

The girls have a 2- year old sister at the orphanage.  I know... I was in shock as well!  She was dropped off a few months ago.  Apparently the girls don't really know her and the orphanage is willing to separate them... but I knew right away in my heart that we need to try and bring all three home.  Are you shocked?  I have known for a few days now and I think I am still in shock!  The boys and Jon agree... we can't leave her there.  So, this brings up lots of prayer requests for us.  First and foremost we need to be able to get approved for three kids.   On paper our financial situation is not great.  We live completely debt free, but don't make a whole lot. Please be praying that paperwork will go through without any problems.  We also do need to raise our monthly support, so please be praying that we will find willing partners to come along side our ministry financially.  If you want more information on what that looks like, please contact me!

I had a thought yesterday (well, I had lots of thoughts yesterday, but this one I am going to share!),  these girls were born into the family that God had planned for them.  But since we live in such a broken world it didn't work out.  For whatever reason, God has chosen our family to come along side and raise up these girls, to redeem them and give them a family.  To show them the love of God and what family should be.  I am amazed that God thinks we can do this... we are certainly not equipped, but we are willing.  He has never let me down before, and I  know the only way we can do this is with His help and guidance.

So there you have it... we went from a family of four to a family of six to now a family of seven... waiting to be reunited.  God is amazing.

And once again like so many other times in my life... I have had a song running constantly through my head.  God speaks to me so much through music, so I guess it is no surprise why I married a musician! Here is the song... it is based on Psalm 91 (another theme in my life, Psalm 91!)... Hope you enjoy it!

Where You lead, I will follow

Have you ever been perfectly happy going in one direction and then God opens a new door and changes your direction so fast it gives you whiplash?  Yep, that is where we are.

I felt really led to meet up with a friend of mine who has adopted from Kazakhstan before to hear about her experience.  During lunch I explained to her that I have looked into other countries and God always ends up asking me if I am trusting Him.  After I finished telling her that, she said she wanted to tell me about a program her and her husband are advocates for.  I smiled and said, "Go ahead and tell me, but I am sure God will stop me from really looking into it" (I don't think those where my exact words, but I know they were my thoughts!).  My friend told me about a hosting program from the country of Latvia.  They bring older orphans over for a month to stay in people's homes and learn about the culture, and in the process they get to experience a home life.  She also mentioned that most of the kids were 6 years old or older (which is older than what we were looking for).  Most of these kids that come over either end up getting adopted by their host families or someone else they come in contact with while they are here.  (I remember hearing about this program a few years ago and thought it would be a cool thing to do... and then never did anything about it!)

So, then she started telling me that there are actually some 4 year-olds on the list this time... 4 year-old twin girls to be exact. I got a little excited to hear that; over this past year a few people (even one of our sons) have told me that we were going to be bringing 2 girls home.  As she was talking I heard God say to me, "Don't be afraid"- okay, God... Then she said that one of the girls is HIV positive. Wow.  I was surprisingly calm and said that I thought I was okay with that.  We went our separate ways after lunch and she was going to email me the pictures she had of them.

Driving home,  I started praying (actually pleading) with God to talk to me about this. Were we supposed to go in this direction?  Were these the girls that were going to join our family? Nothing... no word from God.  I continued to pray and freak out a bit about the HIV... I told God I didn't know if I could handle that.  That was when He decided to speak to me; He said, "if not you, then who?"  AGGGHHH!  Okay, I couldn't think of anyone else to suggest who could do this instead of us!  By the way, I had another friend confirm this by saying pretty much the same thing to me! :)  Now I had to go home and talk to Jon about it.

I told Jon about my lunch with my friend, and my conversations with God about the girls.  Jon wasn't shocked about any of it and had a definite welling of emotion over this turn of events.  We both felt like this was the next step.  We decided that we wanted to host these girls, and unless God made it perfectly clear to us otherwise, we wanted to pursue their adoptions.

First off, though, we needed to talk to our boys and make sure they were okay with it.  It would mean sharing their Christmas (which could be a big deal to a kid!).  They were both so supportive and excited about it!  Praise God!  We showed them the pictures and the girls grabbed their hearts just like they did with Jon's and mine.

I started to feel a bit guilty about leaving Kazakhstan, and God said to me, "I never confirmed that for you," which is true; we just never heard "no."  I think God used Kaz and the last year to prepare us for this.  We are much more educated now and have learned different ways to pray, not only for our future child (or children), but also for our own boys. I think He used it to get me to talk to my friend, who was then obedient in telling me about the program.  God is pretty cool.

Will this be easy?  No. We will have 2 girls in our house who don't speak English, and then we will have to send them back to the orphanage.  I am sure that will be heartbreaking.  We are hoping that they will be back with us by next spring.  Just to get them here for the hosting program is going to cost us at least $5000.

Maybe after reading this you would like to help?  All donations will be completely tax deductible.  In addition to funding, we will also need clothes, toys, car booster seats, 1 more twin mattress and at least 2 twin-sized blankets.  We know that all of this will come together if it's God's will, because He is in control.  Please let me know if you would like to help out.  Even if you can't help financially, please, please be praying for us and for these beautiful girls.

I know... they look nothing alike, and yet they are twins!

Over the moon!

I wonder where that expression came from... over the moon... hmm, I might have to look that up. Anyway, that is what I am right now... over the moon. I got an email today from our adoption agency saying that the Kaz Parliament has passed the new laws.  So, that is why I am over the moon.  What does this mean for us? Well, we are still waiting.  The laws now have to pass through the Senate.  When will that happen?  I have no idea.  But it is so exciting to see forward movement on this again!

Jon was just away for 3 weeks, which always leaves me with too much time on my hands. Too much time to think about things.  I started to worry that this would never happen, and started looking at other countries that might be a possibility for us.  A few times during this research, I clearly heard God tell me to wait and be patient.  Of course you think my response would be, "okay God, I trust you."  But, it was more along the lines of, " I do trust you God, but I am just looking... what harm is there in that?"  Then I realized I was just looking, because I wasn't trusting.  So, I fully believe that our daughter (s?) are in Kazakhstan, and I need to wait and pray.

Other family news... our youngest Devon just graduated from 5th Grade.  Here in Georgia, you start Middle School in 6th Grade.  So, both boys will be at the local Middle School next year!  We went to his ceremony and watched him walk the halls one last time... pretty emotional.  For the time being we are done with Elementary School.  Such a strange place to be at all of a sudden.  Devon has now lived in Georgia longer then he ever lived in California.  All of his formal schooling has been here.  So amazing how fast things go. 

 Bring on summer!  I am ready for the heat, pool days, no schedule, fireflies, backyard bbq's, and all the fun stuff that comes along with this season! 

Jon giving Dev a hug when it was time to leave the school. Devon got a bit emotional that is was done.

Legacy

I started out my day thinking about legacy.  As a mom, I am leaving a legacy with my boys.  All moms do... whether you are a good or not so good mom you will leave some kind of legacy.  Then we went to church, and guess what we heard about... yep, the legacy of mothers.

I want to tell you about my own mother and a little bit about my childhood.  I grew up in a pretty normal family.  Dad, Mom and 3 siblings (along with a dog, cats, chickens and horses, which Jon tells me isn't normal, but what ever).  I was the third out of 4 children.  Usually people say the middle children are forgotten about, but I never felt that way.  My parents have 4 very different children, whom I can now see probably needed to be parented very differently.  Yet, they were there for all of us.

I am probably going to say somethings here that I am hoping won't anger certain family members, but I have been reflecting a lot today on my mom and the sacrifices she made to make sure she was there for us.  The time that speaks the loudest to me is my 8th grade graduation.  A day or 2 before it one of my siblings ran away.  I don't think my parents had any idea where this child was, and yet they stopped their search and made my day feel special.  I don't think I realized at the time what a huge sacrifice that was for them. I can't imagine not knowing where a child was and still celebrating with another one!  I am sure there are many other times that I don't even know about that they put pain aside and did what they needed to do for each of us.  Never once did I feel neglected or overlooked, even when I am sure my mom felt like she was overlooking me, because of other things going on in the family.  I can only see this now that I am a parent myself. 

Over the years, not only was my mom there for us... but I saw her be a mom figure to countless of our friends, or her employees, or anyone!  I remember sometimes being annoyed that I would find my friends in the kitchen having a conversation with her instead of hanging out with me.  But looking back at it, I see that she was sprinkling Jesus in these lives, and I hoped I have learned from her!  She has self sacrificially helped raise her grandchildren, and also in the past few years taken in kids to her home who's mom had just died and didn't have anywhere else to go until things were settled.  My mom is a strong, caring woman, who loves her family fiercely and has a strong desire for all of us to be walking with the Lord.

Gosh, it feels like I had so much more to say, but it just won't come out.  I am blessed beyond words for the things I have learned from my mother.  I hope and pray that I can continue to pass on the things that I learned from her onto my kids and others that come into our life... to leave a  legacy of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness and self-control.

 I don't know if I have ever really thanked my Mom either... Thank you Mom for always being there for me, for pointing me to Jesus with every chance you got, even for letting me move away and live the life that God had planned for me.  I believe I got some of my strength from you and God showed me the rest.  I love you more then you will ever know!

The Power of Prayer (or why, God?)

Wow... anyone who is friends with me on facebook knows what kind of night I had last night. Terrifying. For everyone else, I will catch you up a bit... but this post isn't going to be all about the storm that hit us last night. A line of huge tornadoes hit Georgia last night. Record breaking in fact... there are areas that are devastated all across the southern states.  If you watched the news at all, you probably already know this.

Here is a  re cap of my evening and what God  showed me during it.  I was watching a movie and keeping an eye on facebook on my ipod.  I noticed a few people talking about the storms that were coming, so I turned off my movie and turned the news on.  This was at almost 10 pm.  The storms were starting to come in and I had heard some thunder rumbling though about this time. No big deal. I love thunder storms here in the south, it is so different from what I grew up with in California.  The weather guy was talking about how big these storms were and the damage they had already left behind in Alabama.  I was starting to get a bit nervous, and in my head started praying Psalm 91 (at least the parts I can remember).  Around 10:30 the storms were getting bigger and I realized they were coming right for us. I grabbed my bible and started walking through my house reading Psalm 91 out loud. Asking God for protection and to send His angels around us (really I was pleading!).  About 11:15pm our town was put on a list of tornado warnings, which means that conditions are favorable for a tornado to pop up and you are to take immediate shelter (either in a basement or interior closet). I had to run upstairs and wake my boys up and move us all to the basement, which once again I was thanking God that we bought a house with a basement! During this time of getting the boys downstairs I was crying out to God again to send His angels, He interrupted me and said, "Don't worry, they are already there, you will be fine!"

Okay, so God just told me I was going to be fine... You would think that should be enough to calm me, and it was for a bit. I got the boys settled into the basement and read Psalm 91 to them as they fell back to sleep. I stayed down there until I knew that the tornado warning had passed and then go back up to the living room to watch more weather news.  Maybe I shouldn't have turned the tv back on at this point and just went to bed... but I didn't. I sat on the couch and tried not to let the fear take over me.  BUT, then the weather man was saying how amazing it was that the huge storm kinda broke apart as it was entering Fayette County (where I live)... How cool is that!  I sat there thanking God... so, you think I would be okay, right? Here God told me I was going to be okay... He showed me on the tv how the storm moved around us and yet within 10 - 15 minutes I was in a panic.

I was sitting on the couch watching our back yard light up so often it looked like daytime, the thunder was shaking the house, the wind was blowing and rain was coming down in sheets AND our towns sirens were going off. It felt like a war zone. Then I saw lightning hit a tree outside and it burst into sparks and yes, I started crying... totally giving into my fear.  I was praying as well... which made me realize something else. Fear used to paralyze me. I would give into it and satan would win.  I would find myself in a place where I couldn't even pray. But, that doesn't seem to happen anymore... now I find myself praying more then ever. Kinda cool when you realize you have grown in areas without really realizing it!

So, here I am sitting on my couch crying and praying and still watching the news when I realize a huge tornado cell is headed right to some friends area. My first instinct was to get up and call them (this was 12:10 am, I remember looking at the clock as I was thinking of calling),  as I was getting up, God told me, "no, you need to sit down and pray."  What? Really? So, I did... and sat there and prayed and prayed and prayed.  What I found out the next morning is another friend of ours was at that same time calling them already.  There house was hit and it is an amazing story of God's protection. Their house is gone, but they all walked away from it okay.

So, here is what I am struggling with tonight. I was praying for protection and God did protect us. I know my friend was awake and walking around her house as well, and knowing her I am sure she was praying as well. Why was my house protected and her's wasn't? I know her family was protected, but they still lost just about everything. It is things like this that I have trouble wrapping my brain around. And why, if God told me I was going to be safe did I still give into my panic? Where was my faith? So frustrating.

We drove out to our friends house tonight to see the damage. It gave me a good opportunity to talk to the boys about stuff just being stuff... and how we shouldn't put our value in our stuff. It can all be gone in a matter of minutes. We talked about how to store up our treasure in Heaven, and what that can look like.  Here is an example Ty came up with... we should do everything we can to help this family in love.  That touched me.  I so want to live with open hands, to let the things that God blesses me with slip though my fingers and be a blessing to others.  I am so far from where I want to be in this area.  But, I guess I am still a work in progress!

God is so good, all the time.  In a matter of hours He showed me His power,  and the power that He has given us through prayer. He also showed me how far I have come in areas, and other areas maybe I still need to work on. Such a process... but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Psalm 91 (New Living Translation)

 ¹ Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
      will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
 ² This I declare about the Lord:
   He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
      he is my God, and I trust him.
 ³ For he will rescue you from every trap
      and protect you from deadly disease.
 ⁴ He will cover you with his feathers.
      He will shelter you with his wings.
      His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
 ⁵ Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
      nor the arrow that flies in the day.
 ⁶ Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
      nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
 ⁷ Though a thousand fall at your side,
      though ten thousand are dying around you,
      these evils will not touch you.
 ⁸ Just open your eyes,
      and see how the wicked are punished.
 ⁹ If you make the Lord your refuge,
      if you make the Most High your shelter,
 ¹⁰ no evil will conquer you;
      no plague will come near your home.
 ¹¹ For he will order his angels
      to protect you wherever you go.
 ¹² They will hold you up with their hands
      so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
 ¹³ You will trample upon lions and cobras;
      you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
 ¹⁴ The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
      I will protect those who trust in my name.
 ¹⁵ When they call on me, I will answer;
      I will be with them in trouble.
      I will rescue and honor them.
 ¹⁶ I will reward them with a long life
      and give them my salvation.”

By the way, I forgot to mention that Jon is out of the country right now...

To celebrate or not to celebrate...

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2

This is something I have dealt with for at least 12 years now. I am sure it started when Ty was born. When Jon and I had to decide which holidays were "evil" and what was acceptable for a true follower of Christ.  Every holiday that comes around I see different people's comments and blog posts about this very subject, giving their opinion. I agree with some, totally disagree with others... some I see their point, but does it have to be that way for everyone?

Almost all of our holidays have pagan roots. Christmas, Easter, Weddings, Halloween,  even Mother's Day. So, should we boycott all of them? Maybe. But I think we need to make up our minds. I don't feel like we get to pick and choose what we "celebrate."  I will just list some of what I have found about just the holidays I have mentioned above.

Christmas:

Consider these quotes from the Catholic Encyclopedia, 1911 edition, under “Christmas”: “Christmas was not among the earliest festivals of the Church… The first evidence of the feast is from Egypt.” Further, “Pagan customs centering round the January calends gravitated to Christmas.” Under “Natal Day,” Origin, an early Catholic writer, admitted, “…In the Scriptures, no one is recorded to have kept a feast or held a great banquet on his birthday. It is only sinners (like Pharaoh and Herod) who make great rejoicings over the day on which they were born into this world"

The Encyclopedia Americana, 1956 edition, adds, “Christmas…was not observed in the first centuries of the Christian church, since the Christian usage in general was to celebrate the death of remarkable persons rather than their birth… a feast was established in memory of this event [Christ’s birth] in the 4th century. In the 5th century the Western church ordered the feast to be celebrated on the day of the Mithraic rites of the birth of the sun and at the close of the Saturnalia, as no certain knowledge of the day of Christ’s birth existed.”

It was 300 years after Christ before the Roman church kept Christmas, and not until the fifth century that it was mandated to be kept throughout the empire as an official festival honoring "Christ."

The Christmas tree, holly, mistletoe, and yule log all precede Christ's birth. So, they are pagan.  And yet, I still decorate my house with them every year.  Santa is a whole other can of worms. Personally Jon and I decided not to let our kids think Santa is real, but again I believe that was a personal decision and I don't argue with people who do play "Santa," or say "Happy Holidays," or "Merry Xmas" (Jon has no problem with "Xmas," since instead of seeing it as - as some people say - x-ing out Christ, he says that X is a proper abbreviation for Christ), or even sing Christmas hymns that are very un-Biblical... the idea of gift-giving we justify with, "Well, the wise men brought baby Jesus gifts." Although we forget that these weren't "birthday gifts."  Actually if you look up the origins of birthday traditions you might be quite shocked as well!

Easter:

Ahh... the holiday that is upon us now.  Do we celebrate it or not? My kids dye eggs every year and get an Easter basket (usually complete with chocolate bunny). We actually haven't done an egg hunt for the past few years... not really any reason for this, just haven't!  My kids know the meaning of this holiday. They know the importance of the resurrection. That it is what gives us our hope in the Lord. But once again I feel like Christians have just taken over a pagan ritual that proceeded Christ and tried to make it our own. Does anywhere in the Bible God even ask us to remember the resurrection? Of course the death of Christ and His resurrection go together, but from what I understand we are asked to remember the price that was paid by His death for our sins. Should we call it Easter? Does it matter? Even our days of the week are pagan words and we use them with no problem. Where do we draw the line?

Weddings:

Did you know our "traditional wedding" is full of pagan rituals? Everything from all the bridesmaids and groomsmen being there to confuse the evil spirits, to the superstitions of "something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue"... I even had a penny in my shoe! Was I sinning? Maybe... although I had no idea of and didn't even consider the origin of it at the time...

The white wedding dress does symbolize purity, but it also was thought that white would ward off evil spirits. Tossing of the bouquet and garter symbolize passing along your good fortune, and throwing rice would symbolize lots of kids and a full pantry! All superstitions. Yet most Christian girls wouldn't dream of giving up their white wedding! I know I wouldn't have wanted too!

Halloween:

I know this is a favorite to boycott. Everyone knows the "evils" of Halloween. Yet, my kids get dressed up every year (our rule is nothing "scary" or "demonic") and go out to ask for candy. Early on when our kids where still too small to really trick-or-treat, I struggled with this one. And the Lord reminded me, "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it" (Psalm 118:24).  I don't decorate my house for this one, but we do have fun.

Mother's Day:

I was a bit surprised by this one. I thought that Hallmark and the flower business made this one up, but it does go back to the ancient Greek ritual of worshiping the mother god.  Mother's Day is celebrated all over the world with different countries giving it different meanings and also during different times of the year.

So, where am I going with this? Not really sure... just once again I wanted to get my thoughts out there. Maybe as Christians we need to be more concerned with being known for loving others, serving others, and bringing hope and healing to a lost world, instead of arguing over what a day should be called or how we celebrate it.  Why is it Christians are always in the news as people who disagree with everything?  Maybe we need more grace and more love.

 "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is constructive.
 1 Corinthians 10:23

Passion

 Did the title catch your attention? Passion is something I thought about a lot tonight. No, not the romantic kind of passion... the kind of passion that God places in us to further His Kingdom. The passion you feel when you know you are doing something that you absolutely LOVE to do and you are doing it to glorify God. There is a quote that I know I have mentioned on my blog before, but it relates so well to tonight that I am going to bring it up again:

"The place where God calls you is where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." Friederich Buechner

Tonight I took the boys to see an extreme unicyclist. His name is Dustin Kelm, and he and his wife travel all over the world doing unicycle shows. Look him up on You Tube under Unishow.  They draw a crowd, Dustin does what he loves (rides his unicycle, sometimes while juggling fire!) and then talks to the crowd about Jesus. He uses images about his talent to draw you into the Bible. He talked about how choosing the narrow path is not always the easiest and then he rides along these rails and goes up and down stairs (Matthew 7:13 "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.").  He had other things as well, that I can't even remember right now. Partially I can't remember because I got so overwhelmed by the thought of doing what you are passionate about that it distracted me a bit! Let me try to explain...


Ever since we joined OM and have gotten that taste of doing what you are passionate about for the Lord, there is no turning back. How many people get to do what some consider a hobby as a full time job? How many people think, "oh, I could never do that".  I probably thought that at one time. And yet, here we are doing it. And God is providing and being glorified in it. With Jon it is obviously his music, and being able to be creative. For me, I have actually struggled to figure out what I am passionate about. Although it should be so obvious to me... I am a mother. I am passionate about my kids.  They are and will always be my mission field. I am passionate about being a mother who my kids want to be around, and not because I am a "friend" (that is another subject, I don't consider myself their friend at all!), but because they know they are safe with me.  Tonight I got a glimpse of Ty as a preteen that I haven't seen before. Girls were coming up to him and hugging him and he had a few friends with him. I told him he could go sit anywhere, but he chose to sit next to me (with his friends), and he talked to me during the show. Kinda blew my mind, but made me proud of him!  We have tried to instill this same concept in our boys. To try and get that into their heads now so they don't waste part of their life going after the "American Dream" only to find it empty and lacking.  I am not saying that Jon and I wasted our lives before this... but, this is not an idea that either of us grew up with.  I feel like I might be rambling a bit, but stick with me here. So, what does this look like for our boys? We try to tell them all the time to find out what passion God has placed in their hearts that they can turn around and give back to Him to further His Kingdom. 


Now, I know what I am about to say is not going to sit well with everyone. But, it is what I believe and I will say it anyway. Do I think college is going to be the most important stepping stone in my kids lives?  No.  If they chose something that they need college for, then fine, but it is not something that I am fully pushing and making super important to them. I know, completely Unamerican of me...  I would love to see each of them take a year off after high school and go onto the mission field somewhere. I think God has already told me that one of my kids will not be living in the same country as me, and I am fine with that. I have come to the conclusion, that in the end, they are not just mine... they belong to God first and foremost. And when Jon and I dedicated them to the Lord as babies, that is what we were saying. Thank you Lord for the privileged of raising these boys, but we fully know that they belong to You. Just to clarify, I am not saying college is a waste of time, it just might not be as important as our society makes it out to be. God can give you a passion and use you without a 4 year degree, it just depends on your definition of success and happiness. Also, if our boys decide to go to college that is fine! Just putting that out there! :)


I am not sure if this came out exactly how I had it in my head, but sometimes it feels good to just get thoughts out! Hopefully it gave you a little glimpse into my mind tonight. There is another bible verse that we have on all our newsletters, and something we try to strive for as a family.  It is Colossians 3:23-24. 


"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

Also a quick adoption update... we are still in the process of waiting. Kazakhstan said the earliest they would open up would be March, and our adoption agency said add a month to that. So, yes we are still praying for it to reopen any day! If you would like to join us in prayer that would be great. We also pray daily for our daughter to feel loved and wanted.  It is so sweet to hear the boys pray for her!  God is good, and for now we are standing firm. 

The waiting game

We finished our home study process! Yeah! That was the high note of our week. Our case worker came to our house this week, and met the boys and had a look around. It took all of about 15 minutes! She has already sent us a copy of the report to read over and we made some changes and sent it back to her. I thought we were moving along pretty well!  I started filling out immigration paperwork (because that typically takes 45 days to get through the system), and wanted to start gathering paperwork for the dossier. I email the agency we are working with only to hear back that we can't move ahead on anything until Kazakhstan re opens. That is when I heard the breaks come to a screeching halt in my head! 

I knew there was a part of this process that would be waiting... I just didn't expect it to happen until we had everything submitted... and we were just waiting to travel. But now we are waiting... what do we do while we wait (beside try not to panic)? The only thing I can come up with is pray. Will you pray with us? We prayed with Ty and Devon tonight, and asked them to pray bold prayers... and they did! Will you pray bold prayers with us?

Kazakhstan (by the way, I can now spell that without the spell check correcting me!) is supposed to re open in March at the earliest... notice I said at the earliest. Please, please pray that they will open in March and that our agency will be accredited with them ASAP. We are still praying that this will all be done by the end of the year. God can do it!!!!!

Waiting is not easy, or fun... but I think God will use it to continue to get us ready to bring another child into our family. All of us already feel connected to this child that we haven't even met yet. I think that is because we have been praying for her together, as a family.  

Well, wish I had better news, but that is our adoption update for now. I will keep you posted as I hear more.

"I waited patiently for the Lord, He turned to me and He heard my cry" Psalm 40:1

The image of a swing comes to my mind when I think of waiting... doesn't it look like a nice place to wait with God? :)

Trudging Along...

I thought I would give you an adoption update this week. On Friday, we had our second of three home study meetings. Jon and I drove an hour north to meet with our case worker. We were handing over a bunch more paperwork that had been gathered and had personal interviews. Some of the paperwork included financial reports. The whole week before the meeting, my stomach was in knots. I was so expecting her to look at what we make a month and tell us we were crazy for pursuing this and we just needed to stop.  I wrestled with God all week about this... I would give it to Him, and then take it back to just sit and worry a bit about it. I knew in my head that what I was doing wasn't helpful at all. There was nothing I could do to make the situation better, and that it was better off in God's hands than mine anyway... but I would still take it back and sit and worry... More than once last week I heard God ask me if I trusted Him. More than once in this whole process I have heard God ask me that... you think I would learn...

Anyway, we went to the meeting and it was great. She didn't tell us we were crazy, and apparently we are still going on this adoption! All of our background checks have come in. The FBI fingerprints that we were told would take 12 weeks to clear, came back in 5 weeks. We have been cleared in CA and in GA... phew... (not that I was worried about it!). We have proof that our dog is up to date on his vaccines, and our septic system has passed inspection (funny that they don't check all this stuff for you to have your own baby...). We have a few more things to gather, mainly clearance from our Dr.'s and our kids Doctor.   Appointments are already set for this next week.  Then we move on to paperwork for our dossier, and immigration clearance. I have no idea what all that entails, since I have been so focused on the home study! 

We pray daily as a family for the little one that God has chosen for us already, since that is all we can do at the moment! We are praying for the timing of when Jon and I get to travel... really praying that it will be in July so we can send the boys to the west coast while we are gone.

I wish I had more to update you on... but I am sure it will get more exciting as we go along!

Luke 1:37
"For nothing is impossible with God"

My frozen world...

Well, we have been literally frozen into our house this week. Our first real ice storm! Luckily I haven't run out of bread or milk, and the boys have enjoying staying at home since school has been canceled now for 4 days! I try not to complain... but sometimes I still do. I am not really a cold weather girl... I said something about that on facebook the other day and someone reminded me that I have a camera, and that I should take pictures of the beautiful winter that God has given us. So, that is what I tried to do this week! I hope you enjoy looking at these pictures as much as I did taking them!

Our driveway was a sheet of ice

Frozen street!

We didn't get mail for 2 days... but our box was frozen shut anyway!

Ty and Devon ready to try and slide down the driveway!

icicles are always fun!

taste good?

 

 

frozen downspout

the squirrel that sits on the deck and drives our dog crazy...

 

 

warming up by the fire at the end of the day

A walk outside

 The basic reality of God is plain enough. Open your eyes and there it is! By taking a long and thoughtful look at what God has created, people have always been able to see what their eyes as such can't see; eternal power, for instance, and the mystery of His divine being. So nobody has a good excuse. Romans 1:19-20

New beginnings...

What is it about a new year that makes you want to clean closets and organize bedrooms? That is how I spent the first day of 2011. I helped the boys organize their room and I cleaned out my linen closet. So much more needs to be done, but it was a good start! Ty and I did manage to sneak in a game of "Sorry" as well!


Here is hoping we all find a good balance of work and play this year!