Homeward Bound - What to Expect

We are on our last full day here in Latvia.  Which brings me to a post that I hope you will all understand and not feel offended about.  We know there are a lot of people waiting for us to get home, and also kids who want to be friends with our girls - trust me, we want that as well!  And it will happen!

When we get home, though, we will be spending some time "cocooning" with just our family.  You might not know what that means, and that is fine... it is really a buzzword in the adoption world.  But it refers to the practice of pulling away from the outside world and focusing your time and attention on your immediate family.  It allows you to build bonds with your adopted child that will lead to a secure attachment.

So, what does this look like for us?  We won't be accepting any social invitations, going to church, or things like that as a family for the time being.  One of the big hurdles we have with these girls is teaching them that not all adults are safe.  They have been isolated and institutionalized for 5 years.  Right now, I am not even sure they know what a family is... they could just think they are going from one "grupa" (that is what they call the orphanage) to another "grupa."  For their entire lives, they've been accustomed to multiple (and changing) caregivers in the controlled environments of institutions, with all that comes with that.

While they need to learn that not every adult is another potential caregiver for them, they also need to fully realize and trust that Jon and I will be the ones taking care of them and being here for them always.  They can't learn that if they feel like they're around other mommies and daddies who are available to hold their hands, pick them up, or love on them.  Right now, that just needs to come from us.  So if we are out and run into you, and one of the girls wants to hold your hand or hug you, please don't.  Please, also don't be offended if for some reason they do get a hold of you and we take them away.  We mean no offense whatsoever to you!!!

We will really need to see some milestones happen with them as we begin going out in public.  They need to be able to seek our advice and guidance before going to strangers.  The behavior of institutionalized children "charming" strangers is pretty common - where children may tend to act overly happy, silly, or show off in some way to get an adult's attention.  Whether they realize it or not, they are constantly "parent-shopping"... and these two girls now have parents.

You may think that we are being overprotective of the girls.  In reality, though, these girls have never been taught or protected in the ideal and unique way that a healthy parent/child relationship can.  We've researched the issues involved in adopting older children (yes, they are considered older children) and believe wholeheartedly that this approach is best for our girls to grow into full health and wholeness.  We do want to welcome any questions you might have, so please feel free to let us know if you'd like to talk and we can figure out a good time to do that.

How long will this all last?  We don't know... we are just going to have to rely on God and see how the girls react to/in different situations.  We will be out and about... we have two boys who have activities!  We will be at football and soccer practices and games.  We have to figure out how to do a "normal" life while not overwhelming the girls, and build the strong bonds that our boys have had the luxury of having since birth.  This, of course, is all by God's amazing grace.

Please continue to pray for our whole family during this time.  Jon, the girls, and I have had some great bonding time here in Latvia, which Jon and I are both thankful for.  But, it's also been in an artificial and temporary environment, and I know things are going to look a LOT different once we get back home.  Pray for the girls - that they would blossom under our guidance and become the women that God wants them to be.