Looking Back At The First Year - Part 2: Broken Toys but Restored Lives

Okay, I have to admit that one of my big frustrations this last year has been the amount of toys that have been broken.  Seems like a small thing, but it really gets to me.

The girls have never had anything to call their own; at the orphanage everything was community property, so nothing has ever been "special" to them.  No special "blankie" or doll or stuffed animal... nothing.   So with that, they also don't know how to take care of things.  They break things just because they want to.

The other day, one of them came down with a Tinkerbell doll (that she got to pick out at the store), and told me that her head came off.  Well, her head didn't just come off - it was snapped off so hard that even her plastic neck was broken.  There was no way to fix it.  I would have told you that this was a favorite toy, but when I told her that it couldn't be fixed and we had to throw it away there was not much emotion.  She just threw it away and went on with her day.  It REALLY bothered me!  I wanted her to care!  I wanted her to have something that she really cared about so she would learn to take care of it!  One of my first thoughts was, "there is no way this girl can ever have her own pet!" Ha!

The girls have broken countless dolls and dress-up necklaces, ripped stuffed animals, and destroyed books.  They don't have much because we didn't want them to be overwhelmed, and we really saw a need to cultivate their imaginations.  So when I see them breaking the things they do have, I am at a loss.

I was thinking about this again in the car today (one of my best thinking places, especially when I am alone!) and I asked God, "what do I do?"  Immediately I heard God say, "it's just stuff; they treasure Me."  Wow...

It is true; one of the very first words they learned in English was "Jesus."  To this day they will sing the name of Jesus over and over and over again.  You ask them to bring a book to read and they will bring you their children's storybook Bible.  They ask to bring a book downstairs to read by themselves and it is their Bible.  Our sweet little Milana will sing in our weekly church meeting with her eyes closed and hands raised.  I asked her about this after the first time I saw her do it (I am big on my kids knowing why they do things, and not just doing it because they see others doing it) and she told me she was giving her song to Jesus. They connect with God like I have never seen before, and without most of the religious baggage that somehow attaches itself like barnacles to the hulls of our lives over time.

They didn't grow up hearing about Jesus, and it is HILARIOUS the things they get out of Sunday School class (most teachers are not teaching with the thought of two kids sitting there with English as a third language and having never heard many of the stories being told!).  We usually have to explain the story a little better so they get it.  One Sunday they told us about "Brian" who was sent to the lions by the "scary monsters" where he "prayed forever."  This, we figured out, was from a Veggie Tales cartoon about Daniel in the lion's den.  So, we correct things here and there where we see a need to.

But sitting in the car today, I was reminded that He is precious to them, and our family is precious to them, and that is what matters.  Stuff is just stuff, and maybe our time and energy would be better spent cultivating their relationship to Jesus instead of an attachment to a doll anyway.

This song was also on when God spoke to me... I pretty much cried the rest of the way home.

Looking Back At The First Year - Part 1: Me, Myself, and I

So, I am starting with myself.  Partially because as a mom I don't come first very often.  I am not saying that as a "poor me" thing, it is just a fact (that I think most moms would agree with).  We don't usually put our wants in front of our kids' needs.  Their needs trump everything else. 

From the beginning of our adoption process with the girls, their needs have come first.  Even before they got here I was putting their needs first by getting paperwork done in a timely fashion.  If any of you have gone through an adoption, you know this is no small feat.  The paperwork is long and involved and seemingly never-ending.  It was like a full-time job at times.  We were dealing with government offices in 2 different countries, and things had to be perfect or it would delay the process and make the girls stay in an orphanage longer... That was not cool with me.

I knew in my head that it would be hard after they got here, but I don't think I was fully prepared for how hard it would really be.  My boys have been pretty self-sufficient for years now and I was used to being able to do what I wanted, when I wanted (pretty much).  All of a sudden I was pulled backwards quite a few years.  This was harder on me than I thought it would be.  I struggle every day with my selfish desires.  I have found that it helps to get up early and have a good half-hour to pray before my kids wake up; helps me center myself on Jesus before I have to deal with getting kids ready for the day.

I read this in another blog once:

"I have been the Mama who's punished when I needed to pray.  Who's hollered at kids when I needed to help kids.  Who's lunged forward when I should have leaned on Jesus."

Yep, that's me... I have failed so many times and yet my kids seem to still think I am pretty good at this parenting thing.  My boys, who are now 15 and 13, still like to sit with me and give me hugs and kisses.  One of the girls told me that I was in her heart before she came here because she wanted a mommy so bad, and the other one tells me that she thinks I am the best mommy in the world (although she has also told me that she doesn't think she needs a mom - but that has been when she is mad at me... ha!).  So, maybe I am doing something right.  I find the more I lean on Jesus, the more patience and love I have for my kids.

The first few months our girls were here I daily fought the urge to run away; luckily I had a friend I could text and she would pray for me or offer to run away with me!  The one thing I did do for myself was my weekly dance class.  That was my lifeline.  I would have an hour to an hour-and-a-half to dance for Jesus and laugh with friends.  I didn't have to talk about home if I didn't want to and it was really, really good!

I still yell too much, and I am committed to working on that.  Earlier in the year I found I was able to turn off my emotions with the girls and just take care of them - I know that sounds harsh, but it was reality. I was in survival mode... head down, plowing forward trying to keep my eyes on Jesus and the promise of all of this being better one day.  Turning off my emotions is now harder to do, and I'm grateful that despite the challenge of feeling and dealing with all of those emotions and the pain it brings me, my heart can't help but be open to them at a deepening level.

When the girls returned to Latvia after first being hosted by us, I decided to grow my hair out.  No real reason; just wanted something different.  When we brought them back home I was still letting it grow, partially because it was just easier not to think about it.  Well, anyone who knows me knows that I don't keep my hair color or hairstyle the same for very long.  Poor Jon never knows how it is going to look when I go get my hair done!  But this last year, I didn't do anything different, just let it grow.  Two days ago I went and had my hair dyed red and 9 inches cut off (I was able to donate it!).  For the first time in a year, it seems I feel like me again.  Feels pretty good!

Looking Back At The First Year... Introduction

So... it's been 6 months since I last blogged.  Lots have happened in those 6 months.  But the most important thing is we passed our 1-year mark with the girls.

We celebrated our "gotcha day" on July 24th.  This was the day that we picked up the girls from their orphanage, and they have been with us ever since.  The actual adoption date isn't until sometime in November, but we decided to use the day we picked them up.

Since that day (July 24th of this year) I have been meaning to blog.  I have wanted to blog.  But, I couldn't get myself to sit down and do it.  It was overwhelming, and there was too much to say.  How do I even try to explain what life is like?  How do I live this openly like I know God has asked me to and still protect my girls?  Do I come across as complaining too much?

I learned very early on that unless you have been through this yourself, you really don't understand.  I am not saying that to bash anyone, it is just the truth.  When people ask me how we are doing, I am usually at a loss as of what to say.  Because if I start talking about an issue and they immediately agree with me and say that their kid is the same way, I get a little bugged.  Really?  Does your kid have 5 years of abandonment and neglect that comes into play with every decision they make? Does your kid jump in fear every time you walk into their room, or flinch and cower thinking that you are going to hit them every time you raise your hand around them? I certainly hope not.

I have felt alone many times this last year, when I have only had my husband and God who truly understand.  God is so faithful... that is what I have learned this year.  He truly is faithful. He has guided me, held me and let me scream at Him.  He has never condemned me when I know I have failed at mothering all 4 of my kids.  He is good and He is faithful.

So, anyway... back to my overwhelmed feeling about blogging.  When I was growing up and my room would get to be too messy (like every week), my Mom would get fed up (who can blame her?) and come into my room and dump everything out of every drawer into a big pile in the center of my room.  She would tell me to start over and clean how it should be cleaned.  I would look at that big pile and not know where to start.  That is how I feel now... I don't know where to start.  It is too much.  Too big of a pile to even know what is there to talk about! Then I think my dad gave me an idea once that I still use to this day.  He pulled out a jump rope and roped off a portion of my room and said, "Start there.  Don't look at the rest of the room until this portion is done, and then move the rope to a new portion."  I still use this technique, just not with a jump rope anymore.  So, that is how I am going to update you on our first year.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  There is a lot of all of it!

I had a song in my head today that I couldn't remember all the lyrics to, so I looked it up tonight.  It is "Here For You" by Matt Redman.  Part of the chorus says, "To you our hearts are open / Nothing here is hidden."  For whatever reason, God used that line to remind me that He has asked us to live openly about our adoption, our work with OM, and basically our lives.  He already knows our story, He is the One writing it, and I haven't done a very good job of telling it lately.  So over the course of hopefully just a few weeks I will catch you up on our story in small parts so I don't feel so overwhelmed by looking at the big mess in front of me... Hopefully you will enjoy reading them!

The top is the very first picture we saw of our girls back in September of 2011 and the bottom was taken on our first "gotcha day" July 24, 2013.

Redemption

I just finished watching our pastor's (in California) video of coming home with his new baby daughter from the Congo.  His wife and 3 of his daughters hadn't even met this little girl yet, and the look of anticipation is one I know well.  It was the same look my family had back in Dec. of 2011 when we were about to meet our girls for the first time.  Excitement, fear, joy, nerves... all wrapped up into one look.  There is a moment right when you meet that you can feel the redemption. You can feel God's mercy and love for His people. Another friend explains it by saying we are standing on Holy Ground at that moment, and it is so true.

This morning I also heard a song for the first time.  Matthew West's "One Less," and it destroyed me.  The first part of the song says:

There is a child, been abandoned out on the street.  Now she's waiting for someone to be her miracle.  There's a wife somewhere half way around the world begging God for a little girl she can call her own.  Well, worlds collide and colors fade, and a man and wife brought their little girl home today.

You see, I was that wife for years.  Don't get me wrong, I love my boys to death and wouldn't trade them for anything.  But growing up I always wanted four kids... 2 boys and 2 girls.  After we had Devon,  we felt like we were done.  But as the years went on,  I longed for that little girl.  Yet, I had no desire to be pregnant again.  I felt like I went through a major grieving process about not having a daughter, but eventually came to terms with it... Even though I asked God many times to take away the desire, it was still there.  Dormant at times, but still there... Now I know why.  God had a plan bigger than I could ever imagine or dream about.  And He revealed it to us in His perfect time.  

As most of you know, I now do have my 4 kids.  2 boys and 2 girls.  There is a strong, powerful story of redemption that will forever be a part of our story.  Not only for our precious girls, but for all of us.  Are we done yet?  We might never adopt again, but I don't think orphan care is something we can ignore any longer.  It is not a suggestion in the Bible, but a command.  I am just not sure how it will look for us in the future.  But, I am positive God will show us again in His perfect time (He is pretty cool like that!).  After all, we are all orphans, adopted into the family of God.  

"Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause."  Isaiah 1:17

Here is a link to the song "One Less" by Matthew West... or in our case, "Two Less!"

Homeschool - God, Help Me (Literally)!

I'll admit it... not in a million years did I think I would be homeschooling.  There was a time in my life that I thought I wanted to be a teacher, but I didn't finish school, and I got married instead.  My greatest desire was to be a mom, so I went to work for my family's business until that happened.

There was a point in life that I did consider homeschooling.  Devon had just finished kindergarten and he hated school.  He had had a horrible year, and I couldn't imagine what the next twelve years would be like getting him through school.  I told God that I would home school if that was what was best for Devon.  We never thought we got a clear answer, so we went ahead and sent him to first grade at the same school.  Best decision ever!  He had an amazing teacher who made learning fun for him!  He started first grade reading below his grade level and finished the year reading at a fifth-grade level.

We've also always liked the fact that the boys were in an environment where they were having to deal with a world that didn't always hold our same beliefs and morals.  They have made friends of all races and religions.  I see this as a good thing.  I pray everyday for them to be a light in their schools.

Then the girls came along and I felt completely different when it came to school for them.  When we first arrived back in the States we couldn't have put them in school even if we wanted to.  They were here only on a travel visa, not a student visa.  Plus, we arrived two days before school started and I couldn't even imagine throwing them into that kind of an environment.  They had spent their first five (very important) years in an institution bonding to no one and learning how to survive by themselves.  We have one girl who is overly confident and self-assured, and one girl who is a follower and has never been encouraged to think for herself.  She has learned the art of blending in.

Their first five months here we just focused on learning English, learning what it means to be in a family, and learning about Jesus.  I always said I would start "real" school with them in January.  During Christmas break I realized January was right around the corner and I didn't have anything ready to start school!  We found a curriculum that looked promising and ordered it.  I felt like I needed something to show me step-by-step what I should be teaching.

So, I have been doing school with the girls just about every day since the beginning of the year.  Some days are pretty easy and we get through it with no problems, and some days I want to scream and pull my hair out in frustration.  You see, my personality is, I would rather do it myself than teach you how to do it.  This is why my 14- and 12-year old boys still don't know how to do laundry... but that is another story.  Today was one of those frustrating days.

The overly confident one rushes through her work (all the while telling me how easy school is), though she doesn't follow directions and does extremely sloppy work.  The follower, meanwhile, sits in an almost-comatose state and refuses to give me any kind of answer.  She has had five years of waiting for someone else to speak for her or answer a question first, after which she will just follow along.  I truly think she doesn't know how to stimulate her brain to work when she is asked a question.  It took me 45 minutes to get one answer out of her today.  She gets discouraged and starts to disappear into herself.  We really have to work to keep her engaged.  The frustrating thing is that she is so smart!  She just has no confidence in herself.  All over again my heart breaks.

I have seen victories.  Both girls know the alphabet and what sound each letter makes.  They are learning to count to 100 and learning how to rhyme words.  With each thing that I see them learn, my confidence also grows as a teacher.  God has been growing my patience as well - which is also a good thing! :)  To be good at anything takes practice, right?  I try to remember they have only been here five months and are still dealing with lots of junk.  I am proud of both of them; they are making great strides!

So, what will school look like next year?  I am hoping that with hard work (through the summer), they will be ready to start first grade in the fall.  For now I am committed to homeschool them for the long haul.  They have had five years of being unprotected in the world and I think a little wise sheltering and lots of nurturing is just what they need!  Prayers are always appreciated!

Beautiful Moments

I thought I would blog more than I have... but it is hard for me to decide what I should tell the world and what I just want to keep locked in my heart and memories.  There are so many lessons being learned in our house... not just for the girls, but for our whole family. 

I can't help but learn more about God and how He loves us through this process of becoming a family of 6... how He has adopted us and made us His heirs.  It is pretty flippin cool! 

There was one event that happened today that I did want to share.  It happened so quick, but it has burned itself into my heart and mind forever.

We went on a quick errand to the grocery store today.  Nothing special, just needed milk and a few other things.  On the way home this is the conversation that took place:

Mila: Mommy, my eyes are crying! 

Me: Why? Did you hurt yourself, or are you sad?

Mila: No, I am really happy!

Me: What are you happy about?

Mila: I am happy that my family loves me and Vika, and it makes me so happy that my eyes are crying!

Let me tell you... it was a good thing I was just about home because I wouldn't have been able to see through my tears.  It broke my heart all over again that these two lovely girls went almost 6 years without knowing the love of a family.  She is just now experiencing it for the first time in her life, and she knows how special it is... how life-changing.  Lord, please help me to be the kind of mother these girls need to grow into healthy, whole adults!  

After this conversation, the rest of the day went on as normal.  But as I was pulling my car into the garage, God whispered to me, "Just wait until she realizes how much I love her!"

Mind. Blown.

Photo by Jennie Pollock

I Stand in Awe

And I stand, I stand in awe of you. I stand, I stand in awe of you.  

Holy God to whom all praise is due,

I stand in awe of you.

If you have been around church at all in the last 20 years or so, I am sure you know this Hillside song.  This is where I have been today...completely  standing in AWE of my Savior.  You see, something big happened in our house today.  Our adoption of 2 precious 5 year old girls is complete...they are ours forever.  

Jon is currently in Latvia, poor guy left Atlanta Sunday afternoon, got to Latvia Monday afternoon, had court on Tuesday (today) and is flying back home tomorrow.  That is A LOT of travel for one court date.  So, why am I standing in awe today?  Glad you asked...

I kept looking at the girls today and would just marvel at the fact that they are my daughters.  That God would pluck them out of a hopeless situation and place them in OUR family half way around the world.  You see, our family is very big on artistic expression... Jon being a musician, our boys are artistic and me, well... I appreciate the arts! They move me, they draw me closer to God.  I can be crafty when given the opportunity and I like to think I have mad cooking skills (which I believe is an art form).  These girls love to draw, sing and dance. One of them has a passion for dance that I have never seen in someone so young.  Not only a passion, but true talent.  If you know us at all, you know that we believe talent and passion are given from God to be used for the Kingdom.  You also know that we have a great connection and relationship with a dance studio here that believes the same thing.  Coincidence that these girls were put in our family?  I don't think so.  

God has been talking to me today about His plan.  How He can see the whole picture, and I can only see what is in front of my face.  And what is in front of my face is what I am comfortable with.  Although I think I am getting better about stepping out on the ledge and even stepping off of it knowing God will catch me and take me to where I need to be.  But, I am still far from where I would like to be in this area... anyway, I am getting off the subject.  I was looking back today at our adoption process, which started about 2 years ago.  Jon and I said, okay God, we will adopt and this is what we want... one girl who is between the ages of 1-3 and healthy.  You know what the cool thing is?  God said okay, that is a good starting point.  He let us start with that in mind to help get us out on the ledge.  The next year we spent in prayer and waiting....somewhere in that year our youngest son said we needed to adopt 2 girls.  We laughed. 

Last September we were shown a picture of 2 goofy looking girls who were 4 years old (I say goofy not in a mocking way at all, they seriously don't even look like the same girls to me now).  I heard God clearly tell me not to be afraid and to trust Him. So, we did... you know the story, I am not going to repeat it again now.  My point is, these girls have non, nada, zip of the original qualifications that we were willing to step out and do.  And yet, today I stand in awe because they are 100% the perfect girls for our family.  God knew and he let us gradually get there and see His vision... and it rocks.  We have literally seen God move mountains to get these girls into our family.  From paperwork going through that we thought would be a problem (mostly because of our income... you know, you don't go into full time missions to get rich!), to complete financing of this adoption being covered.  This morning when I told the girls they get to stay in our family forever, they were more excited then I think I have ever seen them.  They were jumping around and hugging me and hugging each other and Vika said, "This is a good day!"  And when they went to bed tonight they thanked God for giving them a family, can you imagine?  I can't... I have never been without a family, but they have been without one for 5 1/2 years, and they understand how important a family is.  My heart is singing praises at His goodness and mercy.  God rocks... and I wonder...how much more does He want to do with our lives if we just step out more and let Him do His thing?

So today (drum roll please!) I would proudly like to introduce you to our daughters:

Viktorija Grace Simpson and Milana Hope Simpson

 (aren't they beautiful!)

Celebrating Milestones

Think back to when your kids were little... for some of you these things are happening right now, some of you might have to think back a bit!  If you don't have kids, you can think back to your own childhood, but I am going to write it with the perspective of having kids. 

As a family we naturally celebrate milestones in our kids lives.  When they first smile, first roll over, first sit up.  We smile and encourage them... we tell other people about it... it is a big deal!

When your child gets older they come running to you when new things happen... "Mommy, Mommy look what I can do!"  Or "Mommy, Mommy I have a loose tooth!"  Again, we celebrate these things, we make a big deal out of it.  The child feel celebrated, loved and valued. 

We had one of these milestones happen in our house yesterday.  Mila lost a tooth.  This was actually her second tooth to come out (the first one happened a week or so before we got her... darn!).  I knew her tooth was loose, but when I checked it just a few days ago it wasn't anywhere near ready to come out. 

So you can imagine my surprise yesterday when she smiled at me and I noticed she had a hole in her mouth!  "Mila!" I said, "Where is your tooth?"  She very casually told me that she pulled it our during her nap time, which had been about an hour earlier.  She was so casual about it that she didn't even know where her tooth was... yes, which means I have a random tooth lurking about my house.  She seemed surprised when I made a big deal about it coming out!  We went up to her room to search for the tooth (which we couldn't find... gross... oh well). 

I got to thinking about it last night.  These girls have never had someone make a big deal out of them.  They have never had milestones celebrated with them.  It really isn't right.  Of course, then it also made me think about the millions of other orphans who are in the same situation.  They are a big deal, these kids should be loved on, cared for and CELEBRATED!!!!!!!!! 

Cute Mila!

Some of you might be wondering if the tooth fairy came to visit last night... no.  The girls didn't mention anything about it, so we figured they didn't know about that.  It would have been too hard to try to describe what it was, and we decided it really didn't matter.  They are learning so many new things right now that are so much more important!  Just as we are picking an choosing our battles right now, we are picking and choosing what they need to learn about! :)  Also, my record stands... I have yet to pull a tooth out for my kids!  The thought of it makes me shudder...

First week home

Wow... We have already been home for a full week!  That flew by!  I can't even remember where I left off and I am feeling too lazy to look at my last post, so I will just recap our flight home...

We arrived at the Latvia airport Friday morning and got in line for our airline to check in.  We couldn't auto check in because we have paperwork that needed to be shown for the girls.  So we waited a good 1/2 hour in line only to get up to the front and be told that we were in the wrong line.  Apparently we were in line for a charter flight or something, so the lady pointed us to an even longer line right next to where we were.  Grrr....  So, we went and stood in that line for another 1/2 hour - 45 minutes.  Everything went fine from there, they checked us in, took our bags and we found our way to the gate.  We still had a little bit of time, so I went and found some coffee  (I hadn't had any yet because we had run out at the apartment!).  We boarded the plane and found our seats.  Jon and Mila were sitting in the row right behind Vika and I.  This was only a 2 hour flight (if that).  Everything went pretty smooth... Mila did start crying for some reason at one point, but Jon was able to calm her down.  I pulled out Angry Birds the last 1/2 hour of the flight for Vika and I to play, again thanking God for technology!

Once in the Amsterdam airport we had about 4 hours to kill before our flight to Atlanta.  We ate lunch and then found the free playground and let the girls run around and play (secretly hoping they would tire themselves out before the 10 hour flight!).  When it was time, we found our gate and were the second ones in line to board the plane (score!)... only to have the girls passports be rejected by the scanner as they were boarding us.  We were told to move to the counter so they could be checked.  I have no idea what was wrong with them (since they worked fine on the first flight!), but the KLM staff said that all the information was wrong and needed to be re entered.  This took sooooo long... they ended up having to hold the flight for us!  When we finally boarded the flight attendants were already moving people around and giving our seats away... ummm... I don't think so!  Everyone had to move back (we did get some dirty looks, but at that point I just felt like giving dirty looks right back!).  Settled into our seats, we were ready to go home!

The first part of the flight went fine, the girls colored and watched tv.  After dinner they watched more tv and started falling asleep.  The last 4 hours were pretty miserable.  They took turns waking up and crying.  I would just try to calm them and get them back to sleep.  I didn't sleep the whole flight! I was extremely happy when we landed!

So, now we have been home a week.  The girls are doing great... they are picking up English at lightning speed, it amazes me everyday!  I have started to teach them songs and the alphabet.  I have taken them out on a few errand runs and they seem to enjoy that.  They ask almost everyday when dance school is starting!  There are still power struggles, and they are still figuring out their place here, but I am encouraged at the progress I am seeing in areas!

We also have been talking a lot about family.  What a family is, and who is in our family.  They name everyone in our family, including Solomon, our dog! A few days ago after we named everyone Vika looked at me and said, "no family is no good."  I couldn't have said it better myself sweet one!  I am so thankful that God chose us to be a family to these little girls. 

Homeward Bound - What to Expect

We are on our last full day here in Latvia.  Which brings me to a post that I hope you will all understand and not feel offended about.  We know there are a lot of people waiting for us to get home, and also kids who want to be friends with our girls - trust me, we want that as well!  And it will happen!

When we get home, though, we will be spending some time "cocooning" with just our family.  You might not know what that means, and that is fine... it is really a buzzword in the adoption world.  But it refers to the practice of pulling away from the outside world and focusing your time and attention on your immediate family.  It allows you to build bonds with your adopted child that will lead to a secure attachment.

So, what does this look like for us?  We won't be accepting any social invitations, going to church, or things like that as a family for the time being.  One of the big hurdles we have with these girls is teaching them that not all adults are safe.  They have been isolated and institutionalized for 5 years.  Right now, I am not even sure they know what a family is... they could just think they are going from one "grupa" (that is what they call the orphanage) to another "grupa."  For their entire lives, they've been accustomed to multiple (and changing) caregivers in the controlled environments of institutions, with all that comes with that.

While they need to learn that not every adult is another potential caregiver for them, they also need to fully realize and trust that Jon and I will be the ones taking care of them and being here for them always.  They can't learn that if they feel like they're around other mommies and daddies who are available to hold their hands, pick them up, or love on them.  Right now, that just needs to come from us.  So if we are out and run into you, and one of the girls wants to hold your hand or hug you, please don't.  Please, also don't be offended if for some reason they do get a hold of you and we take them away.  We mean no offense whatsoever to you!!!

We will really need to see some milestones happen with them as we begin going out in public.  They need to be able to seek our advice and guidance before going to strangers.  The behavior of institutionalized children "charming" strangers is pretty common - where children may tend to act overly happy, silly, or show off in some way to get an adult's attention.  Whether they realize it or not, they are constantly "parent-shopping"... and these two girls now have parents.

You may think that we are being overprotective of the girls.  In reality, though, these girls have never been taught or protected in the ideal and unique way that a healthy parent/child relationship can.  We've researched the issues involved in adopting older children (yes, they are considered older children) and believe wholeheartedly that this approach is best for our girls to grow into full health and wholeness.  We do want to welcome any questions you might have, so please feel free to let us know if you'd like to talk and we can figure out a good time to do that.

How long will this all last?  We don't know... we are just going to have to rely on God and see how the girls react to/in different situations.  We will be out and about... we have two boys who have activities!  We will be at football and soccer practices and games.  We have to figure out how to do a "normal" life while not overwhelming the girls, and build the strong bonds that our boys have had the luxury of having since birth.  This, of course, is all by God's amazing grace.

Please continue to pray for our whole family during this time.  Jon, the girls, and I have had some great bonding time here in Latvia, which Jon and I are both thankful for.  But, it's also been in an artificial and temporary environment, and I know things are going to look a LOT different once we get back home.  Pray for the girls - that they would blossom under our guidance and become the women that God wants them to be.

Latvia day 17 - U.S. Embassy... What Was I Worried About?

Okay, so I have been soooooo worried about this embassy meeting, and once again realized I wasted all that energy worrying over nothing.  I think I pictured it kinda like I pictured the court hearing - very formal and us trying to explain why we don't make a lot of money, but are confident that we can provide for these girls (which we can, with God's help!).  I came prepared with a copy of our home study, income records, I-800A approvals... I was ready for anything!

We walked into a small building and had to go through a metal detector, leave our cell phones there, and then walk to another building and go through another metal detector.  Something on me set off the second metal detector, but nobody did anything about it... okay...  Then we sat and waited for our number to be called.  While we were waiting we got to watch a... uhh... "lovely" movie on American tourism, diversity, opportunity, etc., over and over (oh the joys...).  The other family we were there with got called up before we were.  And it only took them a few minutes... hmmm... not what I was expecting.

When we were called we took the girls up to the counter where there was glass between the lady and us.  She asked the girls which one of them was which and then basically just needed Jon and I to answer a few questions.  She had to make sure we realized that the girls are still legal wards of the Latvian court system and that they will be traveling to the U.S. on a 7-month non-immigrant visa.  They cannot be enrolled in school and we need to have them back in Latvia by March 8th.  She made sure we knew that this (us being able to take the girls back to the States with us before they're legally adopted) was only able to happen because of the special arrangement that Latvia and the U.S. have with the hosting program.  So, yes, we agreed to all of that.  Our plan is to be back in Latvia sometime in February to have this all completed.  Jon will be back before that by himself for one more court date.  Then, on the last trip, the four of us will be meeting with the embassy again - at that point when the girls return to the U.S. they will enter as American citizens.

So, tomorrow our lawyer is going back to the embassy to pick up the girls' passports with the visas in them and then bring them to us.  We started packing up tonight - the girls were pretty excited to see the suitcases come out!  We leave Friday morning and will return to the States by Friday night.  My heart is a little sad for these girls to be leaving their country.  But, I also know they have no future here.  Kids age out of the orphanage system at 16.  16 years old and they are out on their own.  I was reading an online article yesterday that said drug use has climbed 600% in Latvia since the fall of communism.  One group particularly at risk in Latvia is orphans who have aged out of the system.  They turn to drugs (and prostitution, according to other articles I've read) to escape the pain and rejection they have been through.  I am so thankful that is not the future our girls will have.  God had them born here for a reason, and I sure hope that whoever their birth parents are will know God's love at some point, and somehow know that we will take care of their girls.  Maybe they can be reunited in Heaven someday...

I woke up this morning to a bunch of comments on Facebook, about a status I put up yesterday, that blew me away.  I mentioned that I wasn't looking forward to jumping back into scheduled life.  In response, we had families offer to mow our yard, bring us dinner this weekend, and go grocery shopping for us.  It brought me to tears... we are so blessed to be in such a loving community of people who really are the hands and feet of Jesus.  Thank you (you all know who you are) - we really are humbled and appreciate the help.  God is so good to us, and I only hope that I am as willing when I see needs arise around me for others.

Two more sleeps: America!

Latvia day 16 - Orphan Court... Check!

Exciting day here in Latvia!  We had our second orphan court hearing.  We had two petitions before the court: the first one was for the court to decide if it was in the best interest for the girls to be adopted by our family, and the second was to extend our care and supervision time and let us take the girls back to America as we finish up the adoption.  Kind of big decisions!

We went to the same building that our first court hearing was in a few weeks ago.  Again it was a conference room with three "judges."  They might really be judges - I have no idea.  They were all women again, but three different ones than whom we sat in front of last time.  They (really only the middle judge) asked us what we had been doing during our time in Latvia, how the girls were behaving, if there were any health issues, and stuff like that.  They asked their primary social worker from their orphanage if he thought it was in the best interest of the girls to be adopted into our family.  He said it absolutely was, and mentioned that the girls were completely different when they returned to Latvia from the month they spent with us in the winter.  He said they came back much more confident and happier, and that when they were finally told that we were coming to get them, the girls never had any doubts about going with us or considering us their parents.  It was so good to hear!  You just know that God does something in everyone's hearts to have that happen!

We were then asked to leave the courtroom while the judges discussed what they had heard.  When we came back in they said that, yes, they found that it was in the best interests of the girls to be adopted by our family!  Yeah!  Then we had to get to the part about extending the care and supervision time and letting them come home with us. 

You see, most countries you adopt from you don't get to take the kids home until the adoption is finalized.  So, normally we would be taking the girls back to the orphanage, going home, completing more paperwork, and then returning for the girls.  I can't even imagine taking them back to the orphanage at this point... it would set so many things back that we have been working on!  But, thankfully since Latvia already has this hosting program in place, we are able to "host" them until the adoption is finalized!  Thank you, God! 

Okay, back to court... they asked us more questions about what we have in place for the girls at home, why we want to continue this from home, and so on...  We explained that our two boys are in the United States, as is our home and our jobs.  They also asked if we had sufficient health care for the girls in the States.  They seemed satisfied with our answers and - making the decision in the courtroom (so we didn't have to step outside again) - said that, yes, we were granted permission to take the girls to the United States and finish the adoption from there!  Yeah!!!!!  Such a relief to have all that out of the way!  In a few months when Jon has to travel back here, he will have to take part in one more court hearing. 

Tomorrow we have a meeting with the U.S. embassy.  This meeting actually is the one that is making me the most nervous.  If our income comes up (which I am sure it will), I just hope that there won't be any problems.  I can't imagine that God would lead us this far only to have it all fall apart now.  We have been granted our approval for the I-800A, which is from our government saying we are allowed to bring three orphans into the country.  Our income had to be approved at that point as well... I guess I just have a general distrust of our government, that the right hand knows what the left hand is doing.  So, please pray for this meeting tomorrow afternoon - pray for peace inside of me, and continue to pray for the girls! 

We will pull out the suitcases tomorrow and start packing up... Three more sleeps and we will be headed home!

Waiting in anticipation for the judges' verdict!

Latvia day 15 - "4 More Days: America!"

Yesterday was our last "free" day.  We took full advantage of it!  The girls actually slept until 10:00 am!  I have no idea why, but Jon and I didn't complain about getting to sleep in a bit as well!  We had a very slow morning, short naps after lunch (not that these were needed with sleeping until 10:00 am, but it was more to stay with a routine), and then we hung out in a park for the afternoon with the other American family that is here adopting.  The girls had fun with the kids, and Jon and I enjoyed conversation with adults!  It was a win-win!  By the time we left the park it was dinnertime.  We had already decided to eat out, so we went back to Lido's and, again, ate too much... but man, it was good!  Once we walked back to the apartment it was time for baths and a little watching of the Olympics before bed.

After the girls were in bed we got a phone call from our lawyer.  She asked us how our weekend had been and, somewhat apologetically, said that she needed to ask each of us personally a question: at this point did we still want to continue with the adoption of the girls?  Umm... yes!  Our lawyer told us that she knew it felt a bit silly, but legally she had to confirm it at this point in time.

This morning I had to wake the girls up early.  They looked totally confused as to why they were being woken up (don't worry, girls - I won't make this a habit).  They had to get up, have breakfast, and we all had to be ready by 9:00 am for our final orphan court-appointed social worker visit!  Our social worker has been great.  She is easy to be around... she reminds me of a bubbly grandmother.  She didn't even stay 1/2 hour today (the other visits have been about 1 hour).  She, like our lawyer had the evening before, also asked us if we still wanted to continue with the adoption of the girls.  Again... yes!!  She smiled and said it looked like we were all emotionally attached to each other, and that she is submitting the paperwork with her recommendation that we can proceed with the adoption.  After she and our lawyer left, the four of us danced around the apartment with the girls singing, "America, America!" 

Unfortunately, I think they thought we were going to America right away.  So, we had to sit them down and explain (again) how many days we still had until we leave.  After this Milana got very moody, and I think in her disappointment with not leaving now she decided that she was going to push the limits and be disobedient.  It was over something really silly as well - I think Jon asked her not to go back to her bedroom... to stay in the living room where we could see her, and she threw a tantrum about it.  There aren't any toys in their bedroom here, so there is no reason for them to just be in there.  Plus, for now, it is easy to monitor how they are treating each other when they are in the same room we are. 

So all day at different times the girls would look at us, hold up four fingers and say (sort of), "4 more days: America?"  We have had to reassure them all day that, yes, in four days we are leaving for America.  They are a bit fixated on that at the moment.

Tomorrow afternoon we have our second orphan court appearance, and then either Jon or I will go with our lawyer back to the orphanage to pick up more medication and the girls passports.  We are not all going because I don't want the girls to ever have to go back there.  Then Wednesday we have a U.S. embassy hearing (or interview... not really sure), Thursday we get the girls' visas, and then Friday: America!  4 more days: America!

Latvia day 13 - Mother of Four

Well, a few more days have gone by.  Lots of walks around the city, going to the park, playing in the apartment...  Our days are pretty routine. 

Yesterday we thought about going to the beach.  You have to take the train and then it is a short walk.  But, the weather looked a little iffy (and it did end up raining pretty hard in the afternoon), plus we just aren't really beached-equipped.  We only have our bath towels, no sand toys, no beach umbrella... and primarily we just decided the girls are perfectly happy just going to the playground and hanging out with us.  Plus, I think I mentioned before we are on a limited budget... I am not saying that to complain, it just is what it is...

We did take the girls out to pizza last night.  It was a really far walk - right across the street from our apartment!  Ha!  We ordered a chicken Caesar salad to share (which the girls didn't like... probably the dressing) and a spicy sausage pizza (which they loved!).  I thought it was all great! 

We were the only ones in the restaurant at the time, and our waitress spoke English.  I actually think all of our waitresses have spoken English to this point!  The girls (well, Vika - who looked at the waitress and ordered a hamburger right away) started talking to our waitress in Latvian and I think it threw her for a minute!  The waitress asked Jon and I how the girls knew Latvian, so we told her it was because they are Latvian!  We explained that we were adopting them.  She was pretty interested in the process, asking how long it has taken up to this point and what was next.  Before we left she wished us all the best with the rest of the process.  It was pretty interesting to talk to someone here about it.  (By the way, we cancelled Vika's hamburger and shared a pizza instead... she still doesn't quite realize that she is not the one in charge!)

Last night Jon and I also skyped with our boys for almost an hour after the girls went to bed.  I haven't seen them in person for three weeks now.  That is probably what I find the hardest about this.  I miss them, and from the teary eyes I saw on the computer, they are missing us as well.  I can't wait to hug and kiss them!  Their willingness for us to bring more children into our family still amazes me.  When we were just going to adopt one girl, Devon kept saying we needed to adopt two girls.  Two girls about the same age so they could play together, since Ty and Dev are so much older.  Prophetic words from my little boy?  I think so...

Today we walked around the corner from our apartment and went up to the top of St. Peter's Church.  It was completely crowded at the top (you would think they would only allow a certain amount of people up there at a time) but the view was amazing!  You could look all over the colorful rooftops of Old Riga.  St. Peter's is first mentioned in records dating back to 1209.  So, it is pretty old!  I think the tower part of it has burned down a few times and it was damaged during World War II, but it is still an amazing building.

Then after naps today we walked back to the park.  While we were there we got stuck in a bit of a rain storm.  We had one umbrella with us, so we all huddled under that for the rain to pass.  The girls are so funny - they really don't like to be rained on.  I guess they will have to get used to it... how many times do I come out of a store or something in Georgia only to find it POURING down rain?!

Tonight (but earlier than last night, so the girls were still awake) we skyped with the boys again.  We told the girls about it just a few minutes before it happened.  They were totally excited!  Then when it actually happened, they just sat there quietly.  I think they were a little overwhelmed.  There was other family at Jon's parents' house right now, and of course everyone wanted to say hi to the girls and meet them!  Completely understandable, just a little overwhelming to two little five-year-old girls who have no idea who these people are (yet!). 

This is our last weekend here in Riga.  And our last few free days, as we have something related to the adoption process going on every day next week.  Six more sleeps and we will be on our way home.  Please be praying about things for when we get home.  We are basically "hosting" them until this whole process is done.  We need to figure out if we can add the girls to our insurance, because we are going to need to get Milana's medication.  Pray that there is no problem with this.  Viktorija has some medical issues as well.  We knew that she had had surgery, but we didn't find out for what until we got here - apparently she had some sort of cancer and they removed a tumor.  We still haven't heard what kind of cancer it was, but she will need to be seen in October by an oncologist.  Again, we are going to need them on our insurance to have all this happen.  So prayers would be appreciated.  I know people are probably thinking that this (the cancer) is something we should have known about before we got here, but it is what it is and we wouldn't have changed our minds about the adoption.  We serve a God who heals.  They are princesses of the Most High God, and they are our daughters.  It is still amazing to me how God could put this type of love into us for children that were not born to us.  It hit me today - I am now the mother of four children, and there are two fewer orphans in the world now.  Praise God!

From the top of St. Peter's Church. The curved-roof buildings in the picture are WWII-era German zeppelin hangars - they now house Europe's largest market and bazaar.

Latvia day 11 - Past the Halfway Point

So, I know I took yesterday off from blogging.  It turned into a very busy day, we didn't get home until late, and I just didn't feel like doing it!  Ha!

I will start with yesterday.  We had an appointment for the girls with the US embassy doctor.  The girls were measured and weighed and had their eyes checked.  When we went into the doctor's office, the girls sat up on the examination bed and the doctor talked to them and listened to their hearts. She asked the girls what language they wanted to speak with her.  Vika said Latvian (actually she told the doctor that she could understand Latvian, Russian, or English so it didn't matter - ha!) and Mila said Russian.  The doctor laughed and decided on Latvian.  Amazing that these girls are learning their third language!  I wonder how long they will hold onto Latvian with only each other still to talk to?  It will be interesting.  We also had a few questions answered by the embassy doctor, and then we were on our way. 

We spent the rest of the day at our lawyer's house.  She lives on a lake that goes out to the Daugava River.  There is a little sandy beach area there.  We didn't realize this and didn't bring the girls' swimsuits, so we did what any good parent would do... stripped the girls down to their underwear and let them play in the water!  It was private - I wouldn't have done that on any public beach.  We also took a rowboat out on the lake.  It was so peaceful and beautiful! The beach also isn't too far from her house, so we walked out there as well and put our feet in the Baltic Sea and played a game of dodge ball on the sand.  It was fun! 

We left her house at 9:00 pm, after the girls' bedtime (and they missed their nap!), so they were pretty tired.  Our taxi got us back to our apartment at about 9:45 pm.  There were some more tears when the girls went to bed, but it didn't last long (thankfully!).  Our lawyer told us that the girls are right on track with their grief - it usually hits on day 10. 

Sunday night, Monday night, and Tuesday night were all quiet here in old town Riga, but last night the music started up again outside.  I think I only slept a few hours.  I think I might have mentioned it was horribly loud all last week because there was a Russian festival going on.  Maybe I didn't mention that... I don't remember anymore.  Anyway, it was loud again last night... The girls slept in until almost 10 this morning, but I was wide awake at 8 am.  I had a nice few hours to myself (which I think I needed). 

After lunch we took a walk to a mall and then went and bought a few groceries.  The small grocery store we go to here is funny... I don't know if they are remodeling it or what, but every time we go in it is different.  Tonight I wanted to make pork chops with onions.  When we were in the store the other day they had some really nice-looking pork chops.  Tonight, the whole meat section was gone.  Not just moved, but gone.  I went to the butcher counter to see what they had, and all that was there were some chicken wings and legs.  It is weird not to have all the variety of food available to you when ever you want it!  So, I changed course and bought a bag of frozen pelmeni instead.  These look like tortellini, and they had chicken in them. 

I also bought a bag of frozen broccoli... I knew I was pushing my luck with the broccoli but I bought it anyway.  We eat a lot of broccoli, so I figured the girls (basically Mila) better get used to it now.  As soon as she saw it on the counter, she started telling me that she doesn't like it and she didn't want it.  Basically I told her she was going to need to try it.  She didn't look happy when she sat down at the table, but she ate every bit that I put on her plate.  She started dipping it in the tomato sauce we had for the pelmeni and eating it that way.  She even told Jon that it was yummy.  Ah.Maze.Ing...

Then we had baths.  The girls love it when I put conditioner in their hair.  Then they are so amazed that it doesn't hurt when I brush their hair after baths!  Simple pleasures...

When it was bedtime, Mila started getting worked up again.  Jon sat on her bed and talked to her and stroked her hair and face while I said goodnight to Vika, then I sat with Mila for a few minutes doing the same thing.  She was so tired and falling asleep, but all of a sudden she grabbed my hand, looked right at me, and said, "I love you, Mommy - no crying."  She stopped her crying, smiled, and went right to sleep.  Thank you, God.

We have free days tomorrow and Saturday, we might go to church on Sunday, and then there are appointments every day next week to get ready to leave.  Nine more days and I will have my family back together under the same roof.  So looking forward to that!

Playing in the Baltic Sea

Latvia day 9 - Maybe Now I Understand...

So, I took yesterday off.  I was tired, and we seriously had a normal day.  Got up, had breakfast, went to the park, had lunch... blah, blah, blah.  There was lots of cuteness in there as well, but I just didn't feel like blogging. 

Today is a different story.  Our morning started out at 6:00 am when the fan in the girls room started making a horrible clicking noise and woke both the girls up, and they started crying because it scared them.  Normally they have been sleeping until at least 8:00 am, so this seemed WAY too early to be up!  Luckily I was able to just turn the fan off and settle them back down.  I think around 7:00 am they went back to sleep and we all woke up again around 9:00 am... all but Jon, who apparently never got back to sleep.  :(

We had breakfast and went for a walk around the city.  We ended up over near the central market, which is like a gigantic farmers market.  It is housed in four very large buildings that look like airplane hangers.  One is all fish, one meat, one cheese, and so on.  We walked through the fish one first and the girls liked looking at all the fish.  They kept saying, "ooh, yummy!" and I kept thinking, "yeah, that is why you gagged on my clam chowder at Christmas!"  Ha!

We walked back to the apartment in time for lunch and naps.  After naps we cleaned up the apartment, had a quick snack, and got ready for our second of three orphan court-appointed social worker visits.  She came with our lawyer/translator and talked with us for about an hour.  Well, she asked us a few questions and mainly talked with the girls.  We all sat at the dining room table playing with play-doh during the visit.  The social worker said the girls seemed to be doing great and we were doing a good job.  Phew!

After the meeting we sat and went over some paperwork with our lawyer, getting stuff ready for immigration visas for the girls to travel back to the States.  When that was done, we decided to walk back into the city and go out to dinner.  There is a restaurant here called Lido's that is like a buffet (though not all-you-can-eat).  We had potato pancakes, roasted potatoes, shashlik (which is like grilled kebab meat) in pork and chicken, some baked chicken, a sausage, banana pancakes (which was more like a banana crepe), some kind of meat pancake/crepe thing, and the girls ate a cucumber salad with some kind of beet sauce on it.  We all shared a little bit of each other's food to try the different things.  It was so yummy, and I was afraid the girls were going to throw up they ate so much!

After dinner we walked back to the apartment, watched the Olympic women's gymnastics finals (yeah team USA!), and then put the girls to bed.  That is when the you-know-what hit the fan. 

A few minutes after we had put the girls to bed we heard both of them crying.  We rushed to their room to see what was the matter.  Through the little Latvian we know, we thought they were saying something about the orphanage.  We couldn't get them calmed down, so I called our lawyer to have her talk to one of the girls, which did help.  After I got back on the phone with our lawyer she said that yes, the girls were missing their friends, their teacher, and the orphanage, and reassured me that this was perfectly normal.  We each laid down with a girl and just tried to be there for them as they went to sleep. 

At first my mind was just screaming, "why would you want to go back to the orphanage?!? I don't get it!"  But God started gently talking to me: "The orphanage is all they know, and they can't see their future if they stayed there.  They don't trust you enough to know what you have for them is better.  How many times have I had something better for you, but you just wanted to stay in what you know?"  Okay God, I am starting to get it.  Then I started thinking about the Israelites in the book of Exodus, when Moses led them out of slavery in Egypt.  This was a good thing for them, but they whined and complained about it the whole way - they even decided they had it better back in Egypt.  Because this is what they knew, they couldn't see what was ahead, and they didn't trust. 

I think for the first time I really understood this because it was being played out in my daughters right in front of me.  And it was heartbreaking.  Even now a few hours later I am crying over it.  We prayed over each girl, prayed that fear would be cast out and God's peace would take its place.  Vika fell asleep first and Mila finally gave into sleep as well. 

As you think about these girls, or us, or see something on Facebook, please pray for them.  Pray that they would learn to trust that we only have what is best for them in mind.  Pray that Jon and I would be forever holding onto God's hand in this and letting Him guide us, even when it is to places that we don't want to go because it is not what we know.  Thank you.  

Latvia day 7 - Answered Prayers

Today was just another normal day.  Our new normal for now, anyway.  We spent most of the day here at the apartment playing.  We did take quite a long walk around the city this afternoon and did a little grocery shopping, but that is it!  It is kinda strange, almost like we are on a forced vacation.  One that we really can't afford... so we are trying to keep it low-key.  It is weird having all this downtime as well.  Usually when Jon travels overseas (and when the boys and I have gone with him) the schedule is crazy busy.  You don't expect to go sightseeing and shopping... for example, we spent a month in Turkey and I didn't get to see Ephesus even though we stayed relatively nearby for a week (just means I have to go back again someday!), we were also in Rome for a week and didn't see the Vatican or Spanish Steps.  I am not complaining, just trying to get across that we are not used to travel for pleasure!  This is a new thing!  Ha!

The girls have been great.  They know how to entertain themselves while we are here in the apartment, having each other to play with, and of course we're involved in their games and activities as well.  Maybe tomorrow we will walk a different way around the city to see what else is in the area, since we've usually just gone to one of the parks here (which they've been completely happy to keep going back to).

I've been thinking about ways the girls have changed in the last 6 months since we hosted them.  They do seem more mature.  Mila is much more willing to engage in speaking with us.  She is much more willing to try out English.  She isn't picking it up as fast as her sister, but she is trying, which is great!  When we hosted her, she had no interest in trying.  We've been asking the girls to use the English words they know, so when they ask us for something in Latvian we often respond by saying, "English..."  Mila is so funny - when she wants something, she comes up to us and whispers, "English!"  It is usually when she wants something to drink, so I think that is what she thinks she is asking.  I have to hold myself back from laughing.  I don't want her to think that I am laughing at her attempt, but it is so cute!

Vika is powering along with English as well.  She amazes me.  She is so bright and has a fantastic memory.  Jon asked her to throw something away today.  I was standing at the sink doing some dishes (the garbage can is under the sink) and she came up to me and said, "Excuse me, Mommy!"  I can't wait for the day when I can have real conversations with these girls!

Another area I notice a difference is with eating.  They were both pretty picky eaters when we hosted them - not wanting to try anything, and most dinners ended in tears (sometimes them, sometimes me, sometimes both... ha!).  This week, they have eaten everything I have put in front of them.  We have only eaten out twice, so I have been preparing all our meals and they are eating.  Tonight I even made snow peas, and they ate them.  At our house Mila wouldn't eat anything green, and she sat tonight and ate snow peas!  She only gagged once!  Ha!  I was so proud of her!  Since the day they left our house I have been praying about these food issues and now they seem to be gone.  Amazing, awesome God!

While at our house the girls slept pretty well, but most nights started out with tears.  They didn't like getting their hair washed, they hated being laid back in the tub, and going to bed was not fun.  Mila would cry or moan herself to sleep.  By the end of the hosting trip this was better, but there were still issues.  You could tell, though, that they were starting to trust us and things were getting better.  I thought we would be dealing with some of these issues again, but these ones seem to be pretty much gone right now. Both girls have let me wash their hair with no crying, they let me lay them in the tub, and they are sleeping GREAT!  They are ready for bed by 8:30 pm and usually asleep within minutes.  I only had an issue that first night, which I think is understandable.  Change can be scary for any of us!

I see all this as answers to our prayers for these precious little girls.  God has been working in them while they were away from us.  They don't seem to deal with the fear in the same ways that they so obviously did when we first met them.  Of course there are still a number of areas where there are struggles and challenges that are more personal and I won't go into, but God is good.  These girls are His and, even if they don't know it yet, He has been changing them from the inside out.  I will forever be grateful that He is the one in control!

Latvia day 6 - What's In My Heart

I know there are a lot of people following our story, and I think that is great.  Jon and I post pictures of two smiling girls, happy moments, snapshots we treasure now and want to forever.  But I don't want to give the impression that this has been easy.  There has been nothing easy about this process.  From the very beginning, the paperwork has been endless, it is expensive as all get out, the emotional toll is brutal... there have been headaches, worry, many tears, and much heartache.

I know I wrote a whole blog post before about how I feel about adoption.  How I feel when people say these were meant to be my girls.  As if this was God's original plan.  I don't believe that.  I believe if they were meant to be my girls I would have given birth to them, and I didn't... someone else did.  We live in such a broken world and it hits me all the time about the weight of this... the weight of what we are doing.  I do believe that God knew we (God and our family, along with everyone who has prayed and helped along the way) would step in and REDEEM the situation.  To take these girls as our own... but even that isn't easy.  The girls are going to have questions someday about their birth family and the first 5 years of their lives, and we are going to have to navigate through that. 

Communication is hard.  Trust is hard.  Bonding is hard.  We are here for 3 weeks trying to bond with these girls and have some sort of normal life, when nothing around us is normal and we don't even have all of our family here.  We are trying to teach them English when they are still surrounded by people speaking Latvian.   It is all hard.  I don't feel like a hero, I don't feel confident... I am scared, exhausted, homesick (and I love traveling to foreign countries!), missing my boys, missing my dog,  and looking forward to when we can really start bonding at home.  I am trying to fully rely on God and His promise to make something beautiful out of this.  The girls still ask every morning if we are going to America.  It is hard to explain to them why we have to be here so long.

These are broken girls.  There is pain that they are dealing with that I will never fully understand and they don't even know how to express it yet.  I know, I post pictures of them and they look normal and happy.  And most of the time they are happy, but I think it is a coping mechanism.  They are survivors.  I do believe they like Jon and I, but if another family came along right now and took them, I think they would smile and be happy with them as well.   They have no concept of family ties.  They are used to people coming in and out of their lives.  They are not bonded to us (yet).  For example... there is a man that has been driving us to a few of our appointments the last few days.  The girls don't know him, they have only seen him the few times we have, and yet he came by our apartment last night for something and the girls wanted to be all over him.  They have no idea if this is a safe person or not - they just want attention.  I especially see it with men and it makes me nervous. 

They crave attention from Jon.  They always want to hold his hand and sit with him.  They do this to me as well, but I notice a difference with Jon.  When it's with Jon, I welcome it.  The love of a girl's father is directly linked to how she views God as her father.  A girl needs a daddy's love to protect her and tell her she is beautiful.  They will gain much-needed confidence and security with Jon's love. 

I don't know if this will ever get easy.  But, I guess God doesn't ask us to do easy things.  He wants to stretch us and grow us.  He wants us to trust Him and be willing to step out of our box - just like we want the girls to trust us so they can bloom.  And we don't want to be anyone's heroes.  We're especially grateful for the times when we hear that someone has stepped up to do something they were intimidated by (but knew they should do), because of seeing our lives.  Because God makes everyone capable of being involved in great things when we're willing and following Him.

I know you come here to read about our day, and it was another good day.  We got up, played around in the apartment for a bit and then walked to the park.  We thought it was going to rain this afternoon (according to our weather app), but it is 9:15 pm now and the sky is still clear and blue!  Nothing really exciting happened today, so I guess it was a good day.  I did start teaching the girls to sing "Jesus Loves Me" along with hand motions.  They love it.  I am sure they don't understand the words yet, but I hope they will soon.  We serve a big God, who loves these girls and who has given Jon and I the ability to love them like our own.  Pretty amazing...

Latvia day 5 - A Bit of a Rant & a Bit of the Zoo

Someone posted this video on Facebook today, and I feel compelled to share it here.  As you probably are aware this has become something I am passionate about.  We should feel something. We should do something.  I agree, not everyone should adopt but we are all commanded in the Bible to care for the fatherless, the widow, and the foreigner.  If the "church" was really stepping up to this command, do you think there would still be more than 145 million orphans in the world today?  I don't think so... I think we have let down our post on this one.  We have failed these children.  We have not been Jesus to them, and most days we don't even think about them.

This has been on my mind a lot the last few days, as we get reacquainted with our daughters.  They are 5 years old and have NEVER been a part of a family.  Why?  They are great girls! They are funny, smart, and beautiful!!! Why have they been living their lives tucked away in an orphanage with people who are paid to take care of them, but have no family to love them?  It breaks my heart.  And I know there are many more just like them wasting away in institutions with no hope for a future unless the church STEPS UP!!!!!!  Pray for these children, go on a mission trip and reach out to them, sponsor kids, HOST orphans in your home (ask me for details!), give money to other families who are adopting - there are lots of ways you can help!  Jesus's heart breaks for these children, and ours should too.  So many of the children at the girls' orphanage just wanted us to notice them, to touch them! To bend down and give them a smile and a touch.  I don't know... there just seems like there is so much more we can be doing that is not getting done.

I know, I might have lost some of you already while I was on my soapbox.  But that is what is on my mind today, so I wanted to get it out.  Now I will recap our day!

We all woke up around 8 am, had breakfast, and got ready.  Jon and I decided we would take the girls to the zoo today.  We had to walk a few blocks through the city to catch the tram.  The tram ride was maybe 1/2-hour to the zoo.  While we were riding it, we went through the neighborhood that the girls' orphanage is in - we actually passed the street - and the girls recognized it.  They started to get worried and asked us something with the word "grupa" in it... the same word they were asking us yesterday on the way to the hospital.  I am sure it has to do with group home or something similar that they were saying.  I felt so bad... I just wonder if in their little heads they think they might have to go back there again?  We reassured them that we were going to the zoo, but they didn't look convinced until we got farther away.  I can't imagine the fear they must have felt.  Not that where they were living is bad - they were actually very well taken care of there - but still...

We got to the zoo and both of the girls were saying, "no zoo" - they just wanted to go to the playground.  I have no idea if they have ever been to the zoo or not, but they were clearly not excited.  We started walking around and looking at the animals.  Vika was pretty unimpressed with everything we saw.  I do think Mila was more interested.  They both watched the people around us more than the animals!  There were some animals there that I had never heard of, which was interesting.  And get this: they had an exhibit of squirrels!  It cracked me up!  I think Vika liked the giraffes the best and Mila like the bear.  I had packed our lunch to eat there at the zoo, so after a bit we sat on a bench in the shade and ate sandwiches, a banana, and some animal crackers (no offense intended, animals).  I think we spent about 3 hours walking around looking at the animals - and people - then took the tram back home.

The girls were pretty tired when we got home, so I was ready to have them nap.  All of a sudden there was crying and whining that they didn't eat lunch today!  We tried to remind them of what we ate and where, but they were determined that that was not lunch! These girls will eat and eat and eat if we let them.  I think at the first orphanage they were at there might not have been enough food, so they have a bit of a problem knowing when to stop eating and trust that there will be food again for a next meal.  I got them to lie down and they "napped" for about an hour and a half.  This included playing with dolls, singing and jumping on the beds (which I did put a stop to). 

When I said that nap time was over Mila came out very happy and chatted away with Jon and I for about an hour!  Vika, on the other hand, was moody about something and would hide and just look at us.  She would make a noise like "hmph" to let us know that she was still there (arms folded, head down, pouty-faced) and still not happy! She would come over and sit with us when we called her, but she wasn't interested in trying to tell us what was wrong.  I guess I got a glimpse of her as a moody teenager (yikes!).  She finally changed her attitude when Jon pulled out the computer and played them his music videos.  We also showed them a dance video that had Ty and Devon in it. 

Dinner tonight was leftover chili.  I baked potatoes as well and put the chili on top of it.  The girls again ate it all up!  Then baths and yogurt.  They wanted to watch a movie, which is something we have been doing before bed.  We put in a cartoon DVD and before it was over both girls said they were tired and ready for bed.  They actually told us they were ready for bed!!! We tucked them in and they went right to sleep.

After we knew they were asleep, I walked around the corner to "the bakery from heaven" and picked up two eclairs for Jon and I.  It only cost us $1 US... I want to know why bakeries in other countries are so inexpensive and delicious and American bakeries are expensive and use imitation ingredients? So not fair... (I know, boys - if you are ready this you are saying, "you always tell us life isn't fair!")  So, that was our day.  The Olympics start in a few hours, and I have no idea if I will stay up or not.  We are 2 hours ahead of London, so they don't start here until 11 pm.  I might have to watch the opening ceremonies tomorrow online.  I think we have a free weekend, and "only" 14 days left in the country (although we would go home sooner if we could)!

Father, break my heart for what breaks Yours.

Latvia day 4 - Birthday Craziness

So... I am exhausted and really don't feel like blogging... but I know you are all waiting, and I don't want to forget anything, so here we go...

We knew we had an appointment this morning at 10:30 with an HIV specialist.  The plan was to meet at a church around the corner from us at 10 am.  We were just getting ready to leave and I got a phone call from our lawyer that the plans had changed.  We were now to meet at a bank on the other side of the park at 9:50 am.  This was farther away and we got the call at about 9:45 am.  Nothing like rushing out the door feeling like you are late!  And if you know Jon and I, we tend not to be late to things.  I would rather show up a few minutes early than be late!  The poor girls knew something was going on, and we were trying to communicate that things were okay.  I really think they thought we were taking them back to the orphanage.  They were nervous and stressed and close to tears all morning.  Poor babies! 

Getting to the hospital didn't make it any better.  I guess this is where Mila has been to see the doctors and she was not to happy about being back there!  We tried to reassure her that things were okay - we were actually just there to talk to the doctor.  We had to wait a long time.  I don't know how long, but it was pretty long!  Finally it was our turn to go in and talk to the doctor.  She gave us a little background information, what things look like right now, and tried to tell us how important it was for Mila to take her medication every day (duh...).  She also gave us one piece of information that - based on our research - seemed like it might not be completely current with the latest findings, but we'll be seeing additional specialists and so we feel confident that we'll have things in a good place (with God's strength, not ours!). 

Right after we left the hospital we had to drive to the passport office.  The girls needed new passports because theirs are set to expire in a couple months.  So there we waited... again, I don't know how long, but a long time!  Finally we were called up, and pictures of the girls were taken.  Another thing checked off the list!

We were driven back to our apartment and when we got there, a social worker was waiting for us.  We have three visits with a court-appointed social worker to see how the girls are doing and to see if we are all bonding.  I was a little worried about her being there right then, because it was 2:30 in the afternoon and the girls were a bit cranky and hungry!  The social worker came up to our apartment with us and we had a few awkward moments until our lawyer joined us as well to translate.  I fed the girls lunch and, while they ate, we adults sat down to talk.  We were asked things like how we plan to school the children, what kinds of things have we done here in Riga so far,  did we have any questions about the girls schedules or medication... things like that.  The lady was very nice and friendly.  Much easier to read then the straight-faced panel of judges we sat in front of the other day!  She said the girls looked very happy and she would see us again next week.

When the social worker left I got the girls to lay down for a nap.  I think they actually fell asleep this time!  Jon and I also fell asleep for a bit.  We all woke up around 5 pm and got ready to go out.  We had some grocery shopping to do and we needed to buy band-aids (Mila has mosquito bites all over her body that she keeps scratching at).

After we brought the groceries back, we walked to a Turkish fast food place for dinner.  They also served pizza.  We asked the girls what they wanted to eat and Vika said, "chicken!" so we all ordered döner sandwiches (chicken for the girls and mixed meat for Jon and I) and fries.  It was pretty good... not as good as the ones in Turkey, but what can you do?  :)  We then went next door to the bakery from heaven and let the girls pick out a dessert.  They had been telling everyone all day that it was Papa's birthday and they were going to get cake ("torte" in Latvian)!  They were so cute looking in the glass case of the bakery... ooh'ing and ahh'ing over all of it!  They finally each picked a cream puff-looking thing, and Jon and I each got a slice of cake.  The whole order only cost about $3 US.  Can't beat that!

We walked back to the apartment, had dessert, got jammies on, watched a princess cartoon (from a DVD) and put the girls to bed.  They didn't fall asleep as fast as last night, but within maybe 1/2 hour they were both asleep.

We did see more of their stubbornness (that we saw while hosting them) come out today.  I think it comes out when they are frustrated about the inability to communicate.  Which is understandable... I get frustrated as well! It doesn't help that I am missing my boys tremendously too! 

All in all though another pretty good day!  We have no appointments tomorrow and the weather is supposed to be wonderful so we might start our day off slow and then catch the train to the zoo!  I might have mentioned before that there is another family here from the United States adopting as well.  It has been great to run into them multiple times and chat, to have a family here who have adopted before and are going through this process at the same time as we are.  They are adopting a child that has been friends with our girls most of their lives, so the girls have enjoyed running into them, too! :) 

Happy birthday to Jon... Whoever thought this is how we would be celebrating your 40th?!? God's plans are always best!

I can't believe how much I love these girls already!