Tuesday, May 26, 2009

100 years

Have you ever heard that song "100 Years" by Five for Fighting? I have been obsessed with it lately. I think I listened to it on my ipod about 5 times in a row when I went to bed the other night. By about the 3rd time I was totally crying (and yes, I still listened to it 2 more times!). I have had a lot on my mind lately about my life, and how fast it seems to be going. Part of me just wants everything to stop so I can enjoy it, but another bigger part of me really is enjoying every minute of it! Does that make sense? I think a big part of this is watching Ty finish up elementary school. Here 6th grade is considered middle school, so next school year he is changing schools. This has both excited me and terrified me at the same time! Terrified me because I remember middle school years (we called it Jr. High). They were awful. That strange place of still being a child, but wanting to be so grown up at the same time! Trying to be cool with my friends and thinking I knew more then my parents. These were the years that I tried smoking for the first time and tested out the occasional swear word. The pressure of wearing the right clothes, and having the right hairstyle was exhausting. But it is also exciting to me because Ty is such a sweet, smart, caring boy. He is the one to befriend the underdog and I love that about him! He loves God and isn't afraid to let people know that. I just hope and pray that he doesn't lose that! I dread the day when he doesn't want to hug me in public.

Anyway, back to the song. The writer goes through years of his life, remembering different things. It made me go back and look at my life. I got married when I was 20. I have no regrets about that, I don't feel like I missed out on anything. But my early 20's were with Jon, and we were still becoming who we are now. You still are changing so much during those years. My later 20's was spent having my babies. The years up till about 31 are a blur. Lots of diapers, baths, rocking in the middle of the night, singing, you know, all that stuff that goes along with babies, and toddlers. Again, I loved every minute of it! Now I am in my early late 30's, and the boys are much more independent of me. Which I know is a good thing, it means I did my job somewhat well when they were younger. I like having actual conversations with both Ty and Devon. They make me laugh, and yes, they still can make me mad and need discipline, but for right now, it feels like a really good place. They are such good boys. Jon and I are at a different place now too. We have been married 16 years, and no it wasn't all easy, but he truly is my best friend and I can't imagine my life without him! Funny, how all this came out of listening to a song. Story of my life...music plays a huge part of how I deal with emotions. Maybe that is why I married a musician!

We are finishing up our last days of school. The boys get out on Friday. Next year holds a lot of unknowns, but I think I am finally ready for them! Someone told me not to long ago when I said I wasn't ready for Ty to move on, that when the time came, I would be ready. I didn't really believe her at the time, but now I do. Bring it on!